Avoiding the Hulk Effect: Knowing When Your Superpower Has Become Destructive to Your Team and Career

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Hi everyone, and welcome to today’s webinar, Avoiding The HULK Effect: Knowing When Your Superpower Has Become Destructive to Your Team and Your Career, hosted by HRDQ-U, and presented by Carlann Ferguson. My name is Sarah and I will moderate today’s webinar The webinar today will ask around one hour. If you have any questions or comments, please type them into the questions box on your GoToWebinar control panel, and we’ll be using that a lot today throughout our session. So, if you can actually open up that questions, box there, and, and type in where you’re coming from, Give us a hello. I’m located in Pennsylvania, myself, and Carlann is in Florida today.
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As you’re doing that, we’ll jump into today’s sponsor. Today’s webinar is sponsored by HRDQstore.com. HRDQ is based upon research of our published training tools. For more than 40 years, HRDQ has been a provider of researched based training resources for classroom, virtual, and online soft skills training.
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We offer learning resources to help retain employees, and clients make better decisions, improve performance, and much more. You can learn more about HRDQstore at HRDQstore.com.
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With that, I’m excited to introduce our presenter today, Carlann Ferguson. Carlann as an executive coach, Behavioral change expert, and owner of Propel Forward. Her guidance is based on coaching, training, and selecting hundreds of executives across diverse companies and her own journey through the executive ranks.
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Carlann is honored to influence future executives as an adjunct instructor at north-western University’s Leadership Program, where she received at northwestern’s, a School of Professional Studies as Distinguished Teaching Excellence Award.
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Carlann has been featured featured guests on ABC News Radio. Wharton Business Radio, the Mel Robbins Show and iHeart Radio. Carlann resides in Orlando, Florida with her husband who works for Disney. They shamelessly lure their children and grandchildren into family visits with them for free parking tickets.
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Thank you so much for joining us today Carlann.
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And I don’t know if you have that questions box open there.
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But we have people coming in from all over Michigan, Rhode Island, Virginia, Ohio, Texas, Illinois, Kansas City, so from all over the place. So thanks for joining us today at Carlann.
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Thank you. Welcome.
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So, I am going to be talking about avoiding the HULK effect. As you know, you know knowing when your superpowers become destructive to your team and your career.
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Now let’s talk about what the HULK effect is.
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Your HULK effect is your amazing strength that sometimes becomes too strong and can cause those cringe worthy moments in your leadership and in your career.
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You might have recall that Marvel Comics had this character called The HULK and Dr. Bruce Banner was this incredible physicist who was highly logical. He was considerate of other people’s opinions.
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He was, just an amazing, physicist, an amazing leader, but when his heart rate started to rise, when he started to become an angry, he would transform into this HULK.
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This gigantic, green, muscular being that had this just incredible strength, and with increased emotion. That strength increased, his muscles bulging, his shirt would wrap.
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And then from that, if he was aware that he was going into the HULK, and it was conscious, he could channel that strength to remove obstacles, and save the day.
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But if he wasn’t aware of how much that hauke was taking over, he could leave a path of destruction.
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Now likewise, you have a superpower.
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Now your superpower is the most amazing thing that you have, It is there to save the day. It’s the envy of the other people that you work with with your leaders. Your company absolutely loves it. It is what got you noticed, it’s what got you promoted, and it is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And the reason that I know that you have a superpower is because I love to observe behavior.
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I also know that your super power can get triggered when your heart rate rises, when you have that increase and that emotion and at times it could be destructive to your career.
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So to help you identify your superpower and your inner hauk, we’re gonna go through three steps. First is I want you to understand the importance of knowing about your superpower. And then second, we’re going to actually identify your superpower today and the strengths and challenges it brings for you.
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Then third, we’re going to discover what actually triggers you into that hauk like behavior.
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So let’s get into understanding the importance of your superpower. Like I said I know that you have a superpower and the reason as I said is because I love to observe behavior. Now I love to observe behavior not in that creepy, I’m stalking you kind away, but instead, in that, hm, that’s interesting. I wonder, what caused that kind of way. And once I’m doing that, I’m looking to see what are the patterns that I’m observing.
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So I spent 30 years, you know, in corporate, and I was overseeing succession planning, performance management, leadership development, and that gave me a wonderful opportunity to learn what differentiates the high performers from those who are only good, or doing OK, or not doing well. It also allowed me to know what differentiates those who are selected as successors.
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And those who unfortunately derail their career, it allowed me to analyze the cryptic feedback that leadership was.
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You know, leaders were trying to give they’re managers about their performance improvement areas.
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Those patterns helped me identify the superpowers.
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Now as I said first, these are your greatest strength.
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I want you to be really pat proud of your superpower is why your organization and your family calls on to save the day.
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They send out that bat signal that something is amiss, and they need your help, and you dutifully show up with your super power to save that day.
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As I said, it’s the source of your most glowing feedback.
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You could kinda tell what that is by looking at your last eight performance reviews. And at the end of this session, you’re also gonna be able to look over your last day performance reviews, and finally figure out what they were trying to tell you on that more negative performance review feedback. That times when they’re trying to tell you that at times that superpower is just too much, it’s too aggressive.
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On that performance review, a lot of times we are seeing that it’s cryptic.
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Right? It’s like, what are they trying to tell me? And the reason that your more constructive performance review tends to be cryptic is because your boss just has a hard time putting your finger their finger on that.
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They can’t really tell you this is your superpower and here’s what happens when it gets to be too much.
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So instead they tend to give you that, be more, or be less feedback. Now we’ve all heard at least one instance of B more or less.
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For example.
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You know what? I need you to be more patient.
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I need you to be more optimistic.
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I need you to speak up more.
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I need you to collaborate more. Could you be more caring?
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Whatever that is for you, or you might have heard it as be lass, could you be less rigid? Could you be less demanding?
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You know, there are times when you come off as patronizing because you be less argument of, you know, I could really Like it if you would start to have more work-life balance because there’s times when you are just seen as a workaholic.
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So there’s times all of us get this feedback, for me, mine or be friendlier. Don’t push so hard for results and be less intense carlan.
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So I’d like to know, what is the B, more, or B, less feedback that you’ve received in your performance reviews, or just when your boss is trying to coach you?
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Go ahead and share that in the questions area for me.
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And we have some responses coming in already, so Brenda said, Be less direct, Irene and Kathryn. Both said be more assertive.
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Anna says, Be less of a perfectionist Murray, less direct.
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Amy. Be more patient and less bossy. Oh, we have so many coming in here. I’ll read off three, more, Kimberly said too helpful and trying to fix all problems. Paula, more vocal and Karen, share less and be more work oriented.
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These are amazing feedbacks because they are giving you clues to your superpower, right? So it’s important to start to listen to that, to figure out, wait a minute, What are they trying to tell me, and at the end of this, you’re gonna know exactly what they were trying to tell you. So our superpower, another reason it’s so important to know this is because the wonderful aspects of this superpower, they build our confidence. They build our self-esteem, right, those great gifts that we have.
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But on the other side when we become HULK like, they can unconsciously create those cringeworthy moments that undermine our confidence and our self-esteem.
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And your hauck like transformation starts Wes, stress, and anxiety.
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And when we are stressed, and now I’m going to talk a course about work.
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So when we’re stressed at work and we start worrying about someone or some situation, that is causing us to fret to causing us to feel pressure, right.
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When that happens, our heart rate increases our muscles tats, and we go into that fight or flight behavior.
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Now as leaders we are going to flee right now we’re gonna stand our ground. We’re gonna fight. And when we fight, we don’t fight with our fist.
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We fight with our mind and with our tongue, and that can be just as destructive as the HULK.
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We end up getting in this fight or flight, and we tend to get frustrated. We get irritated.
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We get angry, and out comes the HULK, and in that, as I said, it’s going into mind chatter, So now, our HULK has taken over our mind, and we start judging.
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We judge other peoples because they don’t have the same superpower we have.
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So why can’t they see it? Why can’t they do it?
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Why don’t they understand, why don’t they get it?
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So that starts that off, and then we pick up from there.
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And we actually start judging the individual even more harshly and they feel it at this point and they feel that they that you believe they are less.
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Maybe they feel that you think that they are less capable, less dedicated, less concerned, less intelligent, and let’s face it, at this point, in your mind, you are judging them.
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You know that, right? We all, unfortunately, can go here. Are they lazy?
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Are they stupid? What is that?
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And it’s just those snap little judgements that tell us that are HULK is getting, is taking over.
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Now, this is not intentional. This is not how we want to show up as a leader. We want to be caring. We want to be empathetic. We want to be that patient leader.
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And so it’s a glaring contradiction.
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two, our leadership values. So here we’ve had this negative mind chatter, this impulsive action of judgement and misaligned to our values, and then that leads to guilt and shame.
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And that guilt and shame then leads to reduce self confidence and reduce self-esteem.
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So, that is how it starts to undermine those aspects of us. And if we have that happen, then we can jump into any of these ways that self doubt can show up for us.
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So all of a sudden, it’s imposter syndrome, Who am I to be a leader, when I’m sitting here, judging people, as somebody already … perfectionism, right? Well, I’ll just try to be more perfect than, or maybe I should start to second guess myself because you know who knows, right? So any of these can happen for you.
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Now I’m going to share with you my own story of when my incredible superpower turned hauck like, so you can see how this starts to happen.
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So this was years ago and I was overseeing a large-scale change management.
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We were actually in the automotive industry, and I had to downsize our company by half. You know, we’re talking, going down to bare bones.
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And so, I had spent a lot of time working with the executive staff to, to design that process of who exactly was going to leave. How were we going to do this?
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And we’re in the executive meeting, and we’re talking about our next steps.
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And I think that everybody is aligned, because they seem to have been for quite some time.
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And then George, who’s the VP of facilities, he speaks up.
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And he said, know, I don’t know if I can do this. This isn’t the right thing. I don’t think we should let these people go. Couldn’t we do something else? Could we get volunteers? Could we do job sharing? These are great people. You know, they have been with our company a long time. Some of them are third generation workers. They have families. They have children in college, you know, Jim, who’s on the, the list, to go. He. He actually found out last year, his wife has cancer and he’s had mounting medical bills. I don’t know if this is the right thing.
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Oh, my gosh. So at that point, he is getting extremely emotional.
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and I am just like, starting to feel that fight or flight response, My muscles are tensioned tensing, and I’m not even aware of this. Right? I’m not aware that my HULK is starting to take over my muscles tense, my breathing starts to get shallow and rapid.
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My heartbeat is rising, and at this point, if I were the HULK, my shirt would be wrapping.
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I’m sitting there going, oh my God, are you kidding? Here comes the mind check, right? I’m my God, are you kidding, doesn’t he think we’ve already thought of this? Oh my goodness, What a weak leader are you kidding? Make the hard decision for crying out, loud? We can’t keep everybody. That’s impossible. And then, my bot, my mind, click, send and I say it out loud.
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I say, haven’t you, don’t you think that we have thought of this? Don’t you think that we’ve looked at all of the opportunities. Look, it’s a hard decision, but somebody has to make it. There are only so many people we can keep.
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We cannot go to job sharing. We still have to pay everybody’s benefits. If that’s the case, the company would fail, nobody would be able to keep their job, and I am on a soapbox this point. It’s letting them know just how I feel, and my anger is coming out because I’m so frustrated and people can see it.
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And I say, You know what, George, this is why you get paid the big bucks to make these hard decisions.
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Wow!
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I look around the room, because I took a breath, the finely. Everybody is staring at me very wide eyed.
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And so I breathe in, and I go, my course, correct?
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George, I really appreciate your empathy.
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Now, I doubt, right? Not at that point in time, but we can’t do this. We really need to move forward.
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And so, I just go, OK, let me just get out of the situation and I become quiet.
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The end of the meeting, the COO comes over to me and says, Hey, Carlan, you’ve been really hard on, George.
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You need to go in apologize.
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Well, I still think I’m right. So my mind chatter is still going and it says, I say, OK, I’ll do that.
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But inside, I’m going, Oh, my god, are you kidding me? Now I gotta go hold his hand and make it feel all warm and fuzzy when he’s just being all emotional and all irrational. And he is not stepping up to the plate.
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Well, what has just happened is that my highly logical, highly analytical superpower, which allows me to compartmentalize my feelings.
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Now this all is a gift, right? Because who else is gonna do these nasty tasks of downsizings or resizing, or re-organizations, or whatever? But somebody who can compartmentalize and have to make the logical decisions. So here, I’ve got this great gift.
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And it’s wonderful, but the gift is now on Overdrive because I fear that George is going to undo all of my logical work.
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And I could make those hard decisions by moving that emotions away.
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And so, I assume that everybody should be able to do this, including George?
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Because, for me, it’s safety.
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If I can move my emotions to the side, then that creates a safe space. and George unintentionally is creating an unsafe space for me.
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So I project all my anger at George and George is just being George, right?
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All of those fears that he’s going to derail my progress with this non logical thinking gets directed at Hap and he becomes my boogeyman and he’s not even aware that he has done that to me.
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And so all of that anger goes toward him, and I’m also so angry, I’m going to dismiss the CEO’s feedback as being worthless.
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But later, when I take a few breaths, when I start to calm down, I recognize what I did.
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And I admit, my cringeworthy behavior and the guilt and shame starts to set at.
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And I go, oh my god, I lost it. I’m so embarrassed. I swear, I won’t lose it like this again, I was not the leader I wanted to be. I promise I won’t do that again. But I can’t promise that because I’m not even consciously aware of what set it off in the first place.
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And that then leads to my guilt and my shame, OK. And I go right into imposter syndrome. Why in the heck should I be a leader? I’m not good enough. I’m starting to relive the mistake and going why didn’t I say this? Why didn’t I do that?
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All of that is just undermining me.
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Now, perhaps when something similar happened to you, year, a squirrel wasn’t chattering about, you know, how emotional they were, how weak they were, how, you know, logical, they were, were impractical as I did George.
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Perhaps, instead, your squirrel brain was chattering about how egotistical somebody was, or irresponsible, or lazy, Or impractical, or clueless, or manipulative, or stupid, or whatever came up for you.
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And perhaps you work chattering about some senior VP, but you are chattering about your boss, or your direct reports, or your peers.
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Or maybe you weren’t chattering about something at work at all.
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Maybe, you were chattering about your friends, your partner, your kids, and you were pushing those judgements onto them.
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So any questions? What judgements have you made about others when you’re hauk burst forth?
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Because again, these are great clues into what our superpowers are.
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Go ahead and put those in questions.
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Let’s see We have Amy, who has said, unmotivated.
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And, let’s see what else we have coming in here.
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Anna says, Under stress we regress, here logical mind becomes overturned by feelings and language or feeling or not your forte.
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That’s a loss it.
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Kim says, I’m direct, … says, they don’t care. Christine says, All of the above.
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Brand says that they do not appreciate or value my position, mmm hmm? Organized.
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Kimberly says, can anyone make else make a decision around here? Area again, we have Lazy, not knowledgeable. Maybe they benefit from actually caring and saying yes.
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A little bit like I do from Susan, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
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All of these are great indicators. When we go through now and find what your superpower is, you’re gonna start to see how all of this links up. So let’s go find your superpower.
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Now first I want to tell you you can have more than one superpower and that is actually a benefit because you know when I work with executives a lot of times they have 2 or 3 superpowers.
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And it’s because you know they’ve got those extra things that got promoted that got him recognized that we want to keep the strengths of these.
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Now I am going to cover the eight most common. There are other superpowers. But I’m going to cover the most common, please know that everyone is equally powerful, equally, wonderful, and equally destructive. So these are the amazing gifts that you want to keep. So please don’t throw out your superpower. We’re going to keep it, we just want to bring it back in balance. So here are the eight most common.
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Now, as I describe each, because I’m going to go in more detail on to each one, you may find some aspects of each that align to you.
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A true superpower versus a strength, so a strength is like, yeah, I have the good parts of whatever it is. This superpower is going to align to your greatest strengths, but it’s also going to align to that most painful feedback you received.
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Now, some examples I’m going to give, maybe uncomfortable reflections over here, behavior. Please just embrace it. That awareness is amazing. It’s got to let you know when that HULK shows up. And remember, all of these are coachable.
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You can change it.
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You can bring your superpower into balance and become much more aware of when it’s going HULK like, and I’m going to share that when we get to the last part as well. So embrace your superpower as we go through that.
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OK, let’s start with the able Analytic. Now this is obviously the one I described, highly logical, highly rational. I can process any decision with logic and reasoning. I can justify any decision with a single sentence.
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But the ABL analytic compartmentalizes their feelings and the great news is and why the company loves this is you can make the hard decisions that other leaders are gonna run away from.
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You can bring that calm rationale to something when it has to be made at those decisions. But on the other side, the able analytic can repel emotions.
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Like Superman, Repels bullets, Right?
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No, there will be No show of emotion when you show appreciation for a job.
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Well done, God forbid that as you’re telling your team how proud you are of them, kneaded tear actually shows up on your face that would be horrendous for the able Analytic.
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There’ll be no signs of weakness, right?
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Conversations are straight for all straightforward, they’re sterile, They’re efficient and you bring this wonderful ability but on the other side of it, because you could be so logical, you can be seen as unfriendly cold distance.
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Lacking empathy.
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It’s not your intent.
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It’s just that your superpower can get too strong.
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The second one is the dependable achiever.
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Now the dependable achiever is that results oriented individual, Right? And the comp only loves that you not only meet but exceed the expectations and in school, you know, back in college or whatever.
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And you had those team reports that were due, You had a few slackers, and you were the person who made sure that the team still got the A because you were willing to put the extra effort.
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Right? And you’re still willing to put the extra effort to exceed the expectations. In fact, your company loves that you’re so dependable. You’re the one that they can go to and say, hey, I know you’re working on this, but we got a last-minute thing. Can you also take care of this? You have seemingly list endless energy.
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And so every aspect of your career, you want to make sure you get it at 110%.
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But on the other side of that, you can burn the candle at both ends.
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And even if you’ve learned not to burn out your team, you may still be burning out yourself because the dependable cheever as the person who’s going to call into those meetings while they’re on vacation. They’re going to, you know, send e-mails late at night now. They’ve learned that they should schedule on to show up. Interring regular work hours and try to hide that they’re actually becoming more of that work, a holic.
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When you are dependable achiever, I want you to think about some things because sometimes the dependable achiever feels like the company or the their manager or whoever has unrealistic expectations of them.
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It’s you that have the unrealistic expectations of yourself. Not everything has to be done at 110%, If you are the dependable at cheever think about this at performance review, how many things do you get to talk about?
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Max 5, 5 accomplishments, but you just did 40 at 110%.
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And then, when it comes to performance review time, and you look around and you see other people in the company who did not work as hard as you.
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They did 100, 10% on those five, but they certainly didn’t do it on the others.
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Again, I know you get a little irate about that They were the smart ones that because they actually figured out which of their priorities needed to be done at 110% and which could be, remain at, meets expectations.
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Meets expectations. I know you’re squirm and that’s the sea.
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It’s not, as say, it means that you already met your leaders highs, high expectations of you.
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They don’t set that at a very simple level, when meet expectations is still a really good thing.
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So, it’s a matter of kind of pulling yourself back from being so intense about those results.
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When you are in your HULK like, behavior, you can be seen as impractical, the taskmaster, and the workaholic.
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All right. Let’s look at the next one.
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The curious intellect Oh my gosh. If you’re the Curia Center intellect, you love knowledge, you love gaining knowledge, you’re a life learner. You not only know your field really well, but you usually have a great breadth of information as well.
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You love it when you can go into a room and you can say, Did you know, Did you know? And people go, Oh, my gosh, I didn’t know that. That just lights you up.
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And the company … that you have all this information, that you have all this expertise, that they can come to you when they have a problem they need to solve, and you will either have the information, or you will know where to go to look for it.
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And that is amazing to them.
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But when you’re curious, Intellects gets too much.
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You assume everybody else is equally interested in knowledge.
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And so when somebody comes to you and ask a simple question, you’re going to give them a mini tutorial.
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It’s that proverbial aska curious intellect what time it is. And then it’ll tell you how the watch works.
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And you miss the size of frustration and the eyes rolling that goes, oh my God, here we go again. Here’s the sage on the stage.
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I, and you can also have this desire to be right, and if your wisdom gets questioned, beware, the HULKers coming out.
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You’re going to pull out your secret weapon, the debate, and in that debate, there’ll be one person left standing, it’s gonna be you. If it so be aware that when you are the HULK of the curious intellect, you are going to come across as monopolizing conversations. You’ll be called the no, at all.
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And you’ll be known, as the debater.
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OK, number four, the humble equalizer all my goodness your company loves that you pull other people in that you’re the collaborator, that you’re inclusive. You want to pitch in and help where ever it is needed.
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You want to make sure nobody is left not being heard not being able to participate in your mind. You are the Servant Leader. Everyone is equal.
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But, when your Humble equalizer becomes too much, you end up your company ends up getting very disappointed because they bestowed you with more power and more authority.
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They don’t want you to be equal to your team.
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They want you to represent management and your team also does not want you to be equal to them.
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They want you to represent them at the next level, and make sure their needs are met.
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They need you to stand in that power. They need you to be different from them.
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Now, as a hovel equalizer, I’m going to tell you that people are not equal.
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I know. You’re shifting. You’re cringing right now. They’re not. They have different roles. Different response would be responsibilities, different levels of power.
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Different knowledge were not the same, but we do deserve equal respect.
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That’s the difference there.
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When you tend to see yourself as one of your team, they don’t believe it.
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They’re like, This person must know they have more power. They must know that they have more knowledge, because they’re in those leadership meetings.
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They must know that they have more authority, so then they start to question whether you’re just being patronizing or candid Sunday.
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You know, you’re not, that’s certainly not your intent, but it’s how it can come across. And with leadership, when you don’t step into that full power, they could see you as lacking confidence.
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Again, not your intent.
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So I just went through four, we’re gonna stop right here and we’re gonna go to the Paul and say, did you find one of your superpowers in this conversation?
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OK, so we have the poll now live.
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You can take some time here, too, though, and while people are voting in Portland, we had a question come through from Megan that says, what if you feel like you’re a combination of two or more?
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Yeah, just picked your highest one because you definitely could have two or more from this one? No, from these four, so go ahead and just select whichever one is like, oh, yeah. That’s the source of my greatest strength and my most grant, you’re worthy behavior.
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Great, and we have We’ll give you five more seconds here to submit your answer I see a few more votes streaming in.
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OK, great, Now let’s get those results up on the screen. Do you see those on your side, Carlan?
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Don’t, not yet, so we have 17% saying able it. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, Definitely. So 17% able Analytic, 46% dependable achievers. Oh, my! gosh, that 110% grew.
36:50
16% of the curious Intellect And 14% of the Humboldt equalizer, And that leaves us with 7% where we haven’t covered there’s yet.
37:02
So, that is incredible, right? This is all about what you’re seeing as your superpowers.
37:11
All right, Let’s continue. And I see my screen kinda went crazy here for a minute. So now we’re gonna talk about the next board. If you didn’t get chairs, Hopefully you find yours in this. And if you did, you may find another superpower amongst the most common eight. So I’m going to talk to you now about the fastidious fixer. These are those brilliant problem solvers. They are laser focused on finding potential issues with something. They’re able to just for warn that maybe what the group is talking about as a possible solution, is just riddled with booby traps.
37:53
And their mind, their mind is this incredible sequence of decision trees that they go through to find those potential pitfalls.
38:04
And the company relies on them to keep them safe, right? They are the ultimate problem solver.
38:13
But when it gets to be too much, when it gets hauke, like, they have a sense of responsibility, that they have to keep others from harm.
38:24
And that gets exaggerated.
38:27
They ended up over scrutinizing their team members’ proposals for booby traps.
38:34
And they forget to tell their team member what they liked about their proposal.
38:38
Instead, they’re listing off the things that they might have missed, or the potential problems that they see.
38:46
They can unintentionally send a message that they don’t trust others.
38:51
And in team meetings, with their peers, right?
38:54
When somebody says, So, what do you think I’ve messed?
39:01
Oh, the peers, all ahead, Just whoever will write to them, and, it’s like, OK, so tell us, what did EMS?
39:08
And rather than telling them, I’m going to suggest that instead, you just first say what you like about the proposal and then go into, so, I’m curious, how do you think we should address and whatever that potential issue is and allow them to come up with finding it?
39:32
Because, really, you’re trying to make certain that you aren’t always the one who has to call out the potential pitfalls, the risks.
39:45
When you do that, you can unfortunately be seen as pessimistic nyt picker and risk adverse, OK?
39:59
You might be the compelling visionary The compelling visionary Oh, my goodness.
40:05
Is able to quickly synthesize information, and trends and patterns, and they’re able to identify a compelling, rich future that other people want to be a part of.
40:19
They start with that end in mind, and if you’re a person who goes, Yeah, I start with the end in mind, and I work backwards, you know, you’re a compelling visionary, You have kind of this spidey sense of what needs to happen and where we need to go in the future, and other people don’t understand how you got there, and you don’t understand why they can’t see it.
40:42
Now, that is wonderful, because you are future focused, you are that intuitive, but when it gets too much, you have to get to that future now.
40:54
And then, it is a sense of urgency. You start pushing people because you start to become overly optimistic about reaching that future, you unintentionally, shorten, timeframes. You forget how long it takes to get on people’s calendars to do the presentation.
41:15
You forget about all the details that have to happen to get you to each of those milestones to get toward your vision, or you give too much of the vision and you overwhelm people.
41:28
And at that point in time, when we get really, you know, our halt comes out.
41:34
We can be upset when deadlines are starting to be met missed because we set up too short of timeframes.
41:42
And at that point, we start just pushing Hardener.
41:46
Think of Elon Musk.
41:47
You know, you’ve heard those stories of him, when the deadlines are starting to be mess to these overly short timeframes and roadmaps that he has created, he goes, and he spends the night in the factory and pushes people to do more, eight, because he forgot, in the beginning, to give more time to things, because he had to get there now, not tomorrow, not three years from now. There’s an hyperventilation that goes along with this. So if you are that, you know, that really compelling visionary, you can be seen as demanding.
42:23
Sarah Radical: an inpatient.
42:28
Or perhaps, you’re the steady anchor. You’re that calming force, right? You are experienced, you like to minimize the conflict.
42:38
You like everything to be kind of just calm and the storm and you are like that duck.
42:45
No just paddling on the water.
42:48
You make it look smooth and easy and underneath you’re just paddling like hack, right? You make things look easy.
42:55
The problem is that when you do that, nobody knows how much effort it is taking you to keep those fires from starting.
43:07
Your boss doesn’t understand just how much you do and you get upset when peers who have fires and put them out.
43:17
Get accolades for that when you made certain the fire’s didn’t start in the first place.
43:25
When you become Hauk like the odd thing with being the steady anchor is you actually become calmer.
43:33
You become colmar in the chaos. And so it really seems odd.
43:38
But what happens is when you become calm, This can also hurt you, because if somebody is very anxious about something.
43:47
So let’s say it’s a client who is exposed, extremely anxious about something happening and they call the CEO and the CEO gets riled up. And why isn’t this happening?
43:59
And then they call you and you say, don’t worry, I’ve got it.
44:05
We’ll take care of it. It’ll be taken care of.
44:08
Your calmness doesn’t match their intensity and then they worry that you don’t understand the sense of urgency that you don’t understand how much effort needs to be put into this. You do, but they don’t see it.
44:24
And so you can get labeled as disengaged, apathetic, or even avoiding the healthy conflict because you want everything to remain calm.
44:34
Or perhaps you’re the validating listener.
44:38
Oh, the validating listener is absolutely amazing, because you wouldn’t power the speaker, and you build trust.
44:47
You facilitate the sharing of ideas, You validate other people’s thoughts and themselves as worthy of consideration.
44:58
Each person is heard and their ideas are considered and incorporated when you are in your strength and your superpower mode.
45:09
But, when it gets to be too much, you have a couple of things that can happen.
45:15
Sometimes, you know, in an effort to help people be heard.
45:19
you have paraphrased what they were saying.
45:22
Unfortunately, some times people think that when you paraphrase for them, that you are actually in an agreement with them and later, when you fail to support their view, they feel abandoned.
45:36
That was never your intent.
45:38
But they don’t understand that you’re paraphrasing is just making sure that they were heard, not necessarily agreeing. So you need to state that.
45:48
And you may also not share your opinion when, one of, when people want to hear what you have to say, Because, for you, if somebody else has said it, that’s fine, it’s been said, I don’t need to repeat it.
46:03
But people actually do need you to say what it is you think. Even if it’s to say, I agree with Steve and his viewpoint.
46:13
Because otherwise, other people may think that you just don’t care that you’re ambivalent to it.
46:20
Now, you would think that this validating listener doesn’t have a HULK side, but they do, because beware.
46:28
If they feel they have not been heard, then all of a sudden, this switch comes over them. And it’s like.
46:38
They are blunt, and they are harsh when usually they are pretty calm about everything, and they don’t become blunt and harsh.
46:47
But if they feel they haven’t been hurt, or if they feel like somebody on the team hasn’t been hurt, and people aren’t listening, outcomes, the hauck.
46:57
So you can be seen as ambivalent, indecisive, or lacking confidence, and then, this switch can be seen as where are the Act that come from?
47:08
All right. So we have that fastidious fixed to the compelling visionary, the steady anchor, and the validating listener.
47:16
Let me know in the Paul if any of these is a superpower for you.
47:23
Great, so we have the poll now launched and we will give you, again, you seconds here to submit your answer.
47:34
See these results streaming in.
47:37
They’ll give you 15 more seconds.
47:51
OK, great, And now let’s get those results up on the screen. There we go.
47:58
OK, so I see 16% fastidious fixer 12% of the compelling visionary.
48:05
The steady angkor, we got 19% and the validating listener at 19% and a bunch of you saying yours was in the first group.
48:14
Now if yours was an N one of these top eights don’t worry about that, right? There are other superpowers. But this is going to give you that chance to go well, wait a minute. Let me figure out what are the patterns for me? What do I see?
48:31
These are the most common ones that we tend to see in leadership pi. All right. So I am not clicking here. Oh, all right. So there’s all eight of them that you can see there.
48:47
So now let’s look at discovering what triggers your hauck like behavior.
48:57
So, remember that doctor Bruce Banner he became the HULK when he was triggered by anger, when his heart rate was rising.
49:08
And likewise, your HULK is triggered by emotions. And somebody said this in the chat before, right?
49:15
Our emotions are connected to stress, stress, anxiety, anger, they’re all expressions of the same emotion and that emotion is fear.
49:29
Fearful that we’re not going to impress the client, fearful that we’re not gonna meet our bosses expectations. Fearful that we’re gonna lose our power, We’re gonna lose a client.
49:41
Whatever that is at that point in time, and under this fear is a much deeper, held fear.
49:52
And that deeper held fear has to do with your super power, a fear that you’re going to be seen as irrational and week, a fear, that you will not anticipate a potential trap.
50:10
If you’re that fastidious fixer that you’ll be labeled as irresponsible or stupid that you will forget key information and be seen as stupid, that you’ll be labeled egotistical.
50:27
I want you to look at your boogeyman, look at your super power, and then look at the possible fears. And these aren’t all of them, but they’re ones that you can readily see connected to these superpowers that are underneath these.
50:46
Now notice, two on able Analytic.
50:49
Emotional week, irrational, that’s exactly what I called George.
50:57
I just projected my own fears onto him.
51:02
George was just B and George, but when I went hauke like all of my fears, I just put it right on him that he had nothing to do with that. I’m the one who fears being seen emotional, weak, irrational.
51:19
So what is the fear for you to these resonate with you And in what ways have you projected your fear onto another person and judge them?
51:32
So, again, let’s go into questions and let me know if this has happened for you, like it happened for me, and what we’re, you know, the fear is you projected onto the other person.
51:58
Be here and we can type our response into the questions box.
52:07
Now they’re coming through, let’s see we have unreliable steuben incorrect and average incompetent.
52:17
I fear media accuracy and can’t stand seeing and others no good can come from this, right? I felt that they were lazy and undependable since I’m the dependable achiever.
52:29
Ego issues.
52:31
Not a valued member of the team.
52:33
Weak in a rational and competent.
52:39
Are some of the responses the risky toes are? Awesome. Right? So you can start to see how they connect, and it’s like, oh my gosh. Now I kind of know what my superpower is, where my heart goes, and how this happens.
52:51
So real quick now we’re going to talk about three quick steps you can take to tame your hok. Now, granted, you know, there’s some other things you can do, certainly, that take a little longer, but these are the first ones you can do right away, Notice your mind chatter and when it starts, then breathe and name the fear.
53:12
So notice that first mind chatter, right? when you start judging them.
53:18
When you ask those, Why can’t they questions when you ask the way those, are they lazy, are they stupid? Are they whatever? Or why aren’t they this, right?
53:30
Those are what you want to notice, and as soon as you notice these, because that’s your fight or flight that judgement taking over your heart coming out then release three now that sounds like take a chill pill or some, you know flipping advice, it’s not. It’s neuroscience, right?
53:52
So when you Bree you are telling your brain that you are no longer in fight or flight when we’re in fight or flight. Remember we have that hyperventilated breathing.
54:05
It’s short so we can take that. We can stop the mind chatter just by breathing.
54:11
So when we in fight or flight, we have left our higher thinking brain, that frontal lobe of reasoning, of judgement of empathy. All of that is out the window when we’re in fight or flight, and we go to this mid brain that has one job to do keep this one body alive. And the way that it does that is it becomes binary. Everything is what is safe, what is unsafe, what brings me pleasure, what brings me pain, and you are quickly judging these other people for, are they safe or unsafe? George is unsafe. He’s got a lot of emotion, right?
54:46
And my brain has gone there, and when I breathe, I tell my body, I’m no longer in fight or flight, and I can return to that wonderful compassion at empathizing frontal lobe.
55:00
And I don’t have to let my hok take advantage of me.
55:06
Then immediately, I can now, in my higher thinking brain go, Huh, that’s curious.
55:13
Wonder what I fear?
55:15
And I can name my fear because when I name my fear, I take the power away from it. It’s not a boogeyman any more.
55:23
It has a label, and I know where it came from, I know my fear, and that is extremely helpful.
55:32
So name that fear and then you can be able to get back into your wonderful, wonderful superpower because your superpower is amazing and you can bring it back in balance and have that wonderful part of you because with great power comes great responsibility as spider man tells us. And so please use your superpowers wisely.
56:02
Alright, so that is the end of my presentation. And if you’d like to learn more, I actually have a book on this topic. It’s called The Insightful Leader. And you can get that through Amazon. It’s professionally publish, so I do not set the price, Just let you know about that. That comes from my publisher. And I would love for you to reach out as well, if you want to do deeper work. I have solutions for that as well.
56:28
Or if you have a question that didn’t get addressed today, please just reach out to me and also would love to connect with you on LinkedIn sow.
56:38
Can we just then open it up to questions? Or how should we work this?
56:42
Yeah. So, so we have a couple of minutes here for questions. And there wasn’t an overwhelming lots of comments coming through about people and having multiple superpowers. And the question coming from that is, you know, do we all have like a dominant superpower? Or could it really just be that, you know, you’re a combination of, you know, a few of these?
57:01
You can be a combination of a few of these, and usually what you’ll find is that you got feedback on one superpower early and it’s one you’ve been working on, and you have tempered at a little bit, right. Maybe not to the full awareness that you have today, but that you’ve been working on that, and then you can start to see where another superpower can start to takeover.
57:23
So one of my superpower’s early on was disable analytic, but then the other superpower that showed up for me was visionary and I got the feedback, I was pushing people to heart, just typical, you know, of that superpower. So, you know, ’cause because in my mind, tomorrow had to be a better day, so we had to get to that future now. So you know, you can start to see these things coming up for you. Certainly won’t have all eight though.
57:52
And the cool thing is, once you kinda learn your supervisors, superpowers, you can also start to see superpowers and other people and you can help with that by making sure that their fears are addressed.
58:07
Great. And then let the answer one more question for today before we wrap up our session. And Christy would like to know what the same advice be given for when you let the HULK out on yourself versus others.
58:23
So when you let the HULK out on yourself yes. Yes.
58:28
OK, can you give me a little bit more specifics on that?
58:35
You type that into the questions box there, Christy.
58:39
But I think maybe what she’s referring to is just being, you know, treating yourself Maybe with that same negativity. Yes.
58:49
Yes, that is perfect. We can become our own bully and it’s unintentional, but we can. Because we’re holding ourselves to the standard that’s unrealistic. I talked a little bit about that in each one. About, you know, 110% for everything.
59:08
Then, we can beat ourselves up if we didn’t do 100% on everything.
59:12
That’s really not fair, we’re being our own bulli and, or I didn’t meet the vision fast enough. Or I didn’t have the information that was needed at the time if I was a curious intellect. So we really have to be careful of becoming our own bully and beating ourselves up, because then we’re gonna get into that whole negative cycle of self-esteem.
59:36
And we’re going to start to lose our confidence, and we’re gonna get into all that self-doubt stuff.
59:42
Yeah, Yeah, and with that fear, that brings us now to the top of the hour, Thank you so much Carlann for such an engaging webinar today.
59:49
You’re welcome. It was fun.
59:52
Yeah. We have a lot of positive comments coming in from the audience, and today’s webinar was sponsored by HRDQ. You can learn more about us at HRDQstore.com. And with that there, that does bring us to the end of our webinar today. Thank you all for participating in this week’s session. And I look forward to seeing you all next week.