The Gratitude Effect

Sarah  00:07

Well hello everyone and welcome to today’s webinar, the gratitude effect, unleashing the power of recognition and appreciation in organizations hosted by HR DQ and presented by Devin C. Hughes. My name is Sarah and I will be your moderator for today’s webinar. Our webinar will last around one hour. If you have any questions or comments, please type them into the chat pod on the lower right hand corner of your control panel. And we’ll answer as many questions as we can today. And today’s webinar is sponsored by the HR DQ what’s my communication style, online assessment and training course communication skills are critical if your organization is going to perform at its best, particularly during challenging times, dramatically improved communication skills of your employees through a better understanding of personal style and the effect on others. That what’s my communication style assessment is just 20 minutes to an aha moment, learners engage in a proven process that identifies their dominant communication style and the communication behaviors that distinguish it. Then it teaches them how to flex their style with colleagues for optimal communication. Learn more at HR DQ store.com/w MCs or you get to take a free test drive of the online assessments. And now I’d like to introduce our presenter today Devin C. Hughes. Devin is an author, speaker, consultant, executive coach and an internationally recognized expert in the science of happiness, organizational culture change and leadership development. He has lectured and worked on a variety of fortune 100 companies as well as the Secret Service, the IRS and an assortment of profit and nonprofit organizations. Devin is the author of 20 books and has lectured in more than 15 Country countries. He lives in San Diego, California with his wife, four daughters and two rescue dogs. Thank you for joining us today, Devin.

Devin  02:06

All right, Sarah, and everyone else. Thank you so much for being here today. If you would in chat. I know some of you’ve already started. I’d love to just know where you’re where you are coming in from where are you viewing this and hearing this today? If you put it in chat, where are you located? Let’s see some Texas Ohio, Wisconsin. coming in fast and furious, aren’t they Sarah? Okay, Michigan, Florida, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. Excuse me. Orlando, Florida. I was just there. Pennsylvania, Tennessee. My mother’s from Knoxville, Tennessee. All right, folks. Well, thank you so much. Super excited to be here. Full disclosure. I’ll say this upfront. I’m not in Gettysburg, nor am I the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln. There will be no lecture today. All right, no lecture. No, no, no, no, no. We’re going to make it very interactive as much as we can on a virtual platform. So the topic today is the gratitude effect. Yes, the gratitude effect. All right, well, we’ll unpack that here momentarily. As we do a little bit about me. My background is in positive psychology. Right. So what does that mean? The last 35 years and studying studying what’s wrong with people essentially trying to find root cause analysis? How about we start studying or researching what helps human beings thrive? To be the best version of themselves a little bit of a different conversation. We’re going to talk about how we can take some science based tools, operationalize those and create a workplace where people feel like they matter. I love Dave says he loves He loves positive psychology. So fantastic. Dave can be love that. All right, so little housekeeping. In chat. Do you know anyone in your personal professional life? Who’s a little bit negative, salty, cynical, pessimistic or complaints? Too much? Yes or no? Do you know anyone like that? Anyone in your personal professional life? Wow, Sarah, do you see this? Yes, yes, sometimes me too many people. Okay, now. All right, so we’re gonna talk about that now. Are human beings born? cynical, salty, negative, sarcastic, condescending. But where does it come from? No, not born that way. Not now, for those of you that have had kids. Or maybe you were a kid once? Yes, indeed. It is a learned behavior. It is absolutely a learned behavior. So if that’s the case, what might we do? You need to change the environment. And we’re going to talk about that today. All right. So the goal for this session is not only to help you, but more importantly, to enable you to help other people too. All right, that’s the goal. That is the goal. Now, that aside, can we all agree that in 2017, not a single person got the answer correct to this question? Can we agree? I mean, who would have thought that we would be here right now? I mean, honestly, I mean, I don’t know about you. But I had no course in graduate undergraduate, in pre pandemic, pandemic leadership, just all the heaviness that you heard us talking about earlier. There’s just a heaviness in the air. So if that’s the backdrop, that’s the macro environment, what do we do? Now? Question for you. This young man is in downtown Philadelphia, as you can see here, minding his business, great day, good looking kid, walking down the street, spills his coffee all over that red shirt. I couldn’t tell if he tripped. someone bumped into him. I don’t know. But regardless his mind in his business, and he spills his coffee all over his red shirt. My question for you is why? Why did the young man spilled his coffee all over that red shirt? And he thoughts comments, distraction? Michelle says he was on the phone. Of course. Maria says he’s distracted. Yeah. Do we live in the world of distraction? Don’t wait. He’s texting. Yeah, yeah. Loose lid. Wow. Okay. What if I told all of you here today that that young man spilled his coffee? Because there was coffee in the cup? Hmm. Had there been tea in the cup? What would he have spilled? Yes, he would have spilled the tea. Yes, he would. And so what I got to think about in the context of our conversation today is you cannot pour from an empty cup, can you you cannot give what you do not have. And if we want to change the environment to create an environment where other people matter, then we need to kind of sort of make sure we take care of ourselves. So that’s what we’re going to do. And today’s a big day harmony. Today’s well being Wednesday, who knew? Who knew? Because you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give what you do not have. Those are facts. Yes, they are. So what I want you to do first is I want you to pour into someone else’s cup. I want you to grab your phone, device, whatever you have right now. And I want you to think about someone that you’re grateful for, personally or professionally. And I want you to send them a text or email as if you were sitting across from them like on my slide. And I want you to pour into their cup, tell them something you’re grateful for that you missed them, you appreciate them, you love them, whatever it may be. We live in a world right now with a lot of folks are struggling. And anything that you might do to let another human being know how much they matter is a big deal. I’m going to be quiet. And I’m going to give you 4530 to 45 seconds to pour into someone else’s cup. Now do you need to have a full cup before you can fill other person’s cup? Not necessarily. If the cup is half full, you can still pour another people. The point is you need to have something in the cup something positive like hope, compassion or empathy terms of your well being. So I’m going to stop talking. I want you to think about someone who could use it a little pick me up some words of affirmation. I love you. I believe in you. Let’s do it right now. We’ve got 30 seconds I’m gonna do it with you No, I imagine that some of you may get a response back. Is everything. Okay? I bet some of you have already gotten that response that might infer that they’re not used to hearing from you. Sharing those things die. I know some of you do it. But why is it folks and again, stay with me here. Have you ever noticed that when someone passes away When someone passes away, everyone shows up with the flowers and says how amazing they are. But why is it when they’re here? We don’t tell them. Now, obviously, it has to be genuine or not fake. That’s anything correct anything. It’s authentic matters. But let’s not presume that it’s not authentic. I want to ask, Can you just be human? And if there are people in your life that matter? Why don’t we let them know more often? I don’t know. You tell me. Now I just created this space. I gave you a couple of minutes to let other people know they matter. Nick, we could do more of that. And would that matter? Whether it be the great resignation? The great reshuffle? I don’t know. You see too often, we’re really skeptical about good news. One of our greatest addictions in the new normal is talking about all the bad stuff. Yeah, we do it really well. Don’t wait. And see why am I so passionate about this for a writer reason I call this a three appreciations. This is what I do to start my day, what I’m going to share with you, I’d like you if you would, what’s one thing you feel good about work right now? What’s one thing you’re enthusiastic about your life for this calendar year? And what’s one thing you’re most thankful for about your family? This is how I fill my cup today. How about you? Would you come up with three appreciations? Again? What comes to mind? I’ll give you a few seconds right now in chat if you’d love to share, to be interested to see what do you feel good about work? What are you enthusiastic about this year? And what are you most thankful for about your family? Again, it’s having a full cup matters half a cup having something in the cup. Certainly we could nuance that wordsmith it. What are you could you come up with three appreciations? Give you a few seconds. Sonia says I have a new role. I bought a house and I have an amazing Brother Love that. Feel good to have amazing coworkers supportive of my health, thanks for the support. Okay, here they come. Having a job, my health, my retirement, my new role, getting to travel again. Now, again, these are three prompts. Now, I’m not implying or suggesting that you don’t, are not grateful. I’m just suggesting is there an opportunity if you look at the research, that how you start your day, and how you’re in your day is often the way your day plays out. And then if indeed we want to pour into others, it helps if we have something in our cup ourselves. So thank you so much for sharing that, folks. Now, if you would, again, this is the this is what I like to see when I go to work either on a virtual platform or in person. People smiling, again, I need to be sincere, obviously and authentic. But one way you can create a more enjoyable workplace, if indeed you are in person on a zoom call is smiling. The brain has mirror neurons, we we mirror what we see. And again, think about if you would want more people coming into your zooms, or teams or whatever virtual platform or in person feeling good about the work itself. So that’s the goal, one of the goals. So what does the gratitude effect look like? Well, there’s three findings from the research. Number one, gratitude is an advantage. It is grateful brains, happy brains outperform negative or neutral brains. They do gratitude as a choice, and gratitude spreads. If I say to all of you, do you think you perform better when you feel better? Would you agree with that statement? pretty benign? Are you at your best when you feel your best? Whatever that is, again, I’m not asking you to be an extrovert. I’m just asking you when you’re in emotionally pretty good place. Okay, all right. So we know that to be true. So it is an advantage, I’m going to suggest that your well being is the superpower, that if we can get you and more people like you in a better place emotionally more often, you’re going to perform better, we’re going to operationalize that superpower. Now there’s a choice. Now, I didn’t say it was easy. But it is a choice. Even in the midst of circumstances like we’re going through now you can find things to be grateful for, and gratitude spreads. If we hang around people that are more grateful or optimistic, or positive or whatever word you might want to call it more hopeful you feel better. The inverse is also true, is it not? Have you ever left the conversation where people were gossiping and being cynical and salty and pessimistic and negative? If had been part of those conversations, and felt absolutely depleted when you left? Why because emotions are contagious, just like the common cold. So I asked you and I wonder if you think about your inner circle right now. Your inner circle if the folks in your Inner Circle are not talking about hope, and love, and compassion, and empathy and joy, and pride. But they’re not talking about that stuff. You don’t have an inner circle, folks, you may have a cage. Be very careful about who’s in your inner circle. And I would say that it is a superpower. Because when I’m more grateful, I feel better when I feel better, I perform better. And I learned this all too well. recently. I did a talk recently, I had five 600 people in the room. Yes, it was in person was amazing. And right after I finished, as I was walking down the stairs, as I was walking down the stairs, I noticed this young man was coming up behind me. And you can tell here, he’s a double amputee. Now. I thought to myself, You know what, he paid the ultimate price for his country. Usually I’d rush off to the airport, jump in an Uber and be gone. But on this particular day, I said no, I’m going to hang around a bit. Now I’m going to listen to this young man talk for the next hour, gave a fantastic speech talk presentation call what you may, I sat there at the end of the program. A woman in the back of the room was a little bit reticent. She wanted to raise her hand like I’m kind of doing now you could tell she was a little bit uneasy. Want to say it but didn’t say it. Finally, he saw or it’s a name, just go and say you’re not going to hurt me? I’ve gone through enough already. She says private Johnny, I have to ask. I have to ask. And I wonder that I’m I’m I suspect that everybody else in this room is wondering too. How do you stay so positive? And you have no legs? Wow. He pauses and looks at that woman like I’m looking at you and says ma’am, truth be told, how do you and the 499 people in this room stay so negative? And you have both of yours? What’s the lesson in that? What’s the lesson in that story? Their lesson? Yeah, mindset appreciate what you have. It’s a choice. Private China didn’t have it easy. But he didn’t know that certain people didn’t come back with him that he served with. And I’m going to argue even in the midst of all of this heaviness right now, we can find things to be grateful for. And on that particular day, I realized that you can teach an old dog new tricks that I was the old dog. And I was reminded that you can find things to be grateful for even in the midst of calamities. Now, that aside, what I’d like you to do, because I told you this was going to be very interactive. I want you to grab your phone again. Is there someone in your family right now? Who could use a little bit of a reminder about how awesome they are? Is it a child grandchild, a partner or spouse, sister, brother, auntie, your uncle with everything we got going on right now, again, if you would, I’m asking I’m not cord or sing. I want you to send a text or an email to a family member. And let them know how grateful you are for them, that you love them. You miss them, you appreciate them anything at all. Because in the world we live right now I think a little bit of gratitude. It’s like what my beloved mother used to say that sharing was caring. So I’m going to give you 30 seconds right now to let someone in your family know that on this particular day at two nine teen pm eastern standard time you’re going to you’re thinking about I mean, I’ll let them know. Let’s do it right now. I’m gonna give you 30 seconds to knock it out Excuse me? All right. Give me another 20 seconds All right, fantastic. So thank you so much, folks. Now, the key learning you change your mindset, you change the culture. You change the mindset, you change your life. change the mindset, you change the relationships, you change the mindset, you change the performance. Now, I’m not tone deaf. There’s a lot going on right now. You heard his talking earlier. saronite next normal new normal. I don’t know all the different normal that can’t keep up with them. But one thing that I’ve noticed that has been exacerbated Is this? Does anybody know what GDD is? If you don’t, that’s okay. I bet you know someone who has a little bit of GDD. That is gratitude Deficit Disorder. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know anyone in your personal professional life that’s really good at reminding you of everything that isn’t? And tends not to talk about the things that are? I don’t know. Do you have anybody like that, who’s constantly reminding you about the stuff we don’t have? We couldn’t have should have. But doesn’t tend to be more intentional talking about our blessings, either professionally? Or personally? Do you know anyone with a little bit of GDD? I do. Again, no judgment in that statement other than destiny, this is where we are. Now, if you look at some research from the John Templeton Foundation, this is fascinating to me. They asked a survey of 2000 Americans, what they were grateful for their rank their jobs is dead last. Does that surprise you? Dead last, we spend more time coming and going working in the aggregate hours than we do at home. So could you imagine being to That ungrateful about work? Maybe that’s kind of sort of why we have the shuffle right now at work. This is currently what it looks like the current state of employee engagement. Yes. You know, these faces. I know some of you know these faces all too well. How about the Sunday night faced? Yeah. Yeah. About the pre Memorial Day face? Yeah. Yeah, you’re right, Patricia, we don’t have a good work life balance, the lack of boundaries is suffocating. Now, that aside, weathered some research on LinkedIn, 70% of workers right now say they’re stressed out, you can see it by demographic. We’re in a golden age of hurt, right now, at work. But we’re also in the midst of another pandemic, one might argue, we’ve got more lonely adults than we’ve ever had in the history of the planet. Yes. How is it that we’re so connected but so disconnected? You know, I mean, so connected, but so disconnected. Think about that more lonely adults than we’ve ever had, which is interesting from a research standpoint. Because if you were on earlier, and Sarah and I talking about this, which is where people want to work remote or want to work hybrid. In other words, they don’t want to come into the office at all, or not as much, but at the same time, they feel isolated and alone and feel disconnected. Hmm. So you don’t want to be around people, but at the same time you feel alone. Okay. So again, no judgment in that just something that we’re going to be thinking about, we have to work through. Now. Fascinating for some of you love research. Did you know The UK now has a minister of loneliness. A minister of loneliness. Yes.

Sarah  23:16

To interrupt you really quick. Devon certainly had a question. If you knew what the stats were for 30 to 45 year olds?

Devin  23:23

Yes. Um, they’re slightly less than that. I’ll get more specific, but they’re still really, really high, Sonia. The last time I checked, it was upwards of like 35% Approximately give or take. So it’s very high. Yeah. So thanks for the question. So the UK now has a minister of loneliness to solve the problem. Think about that. A minister of loneliness in government, that means it’s so pervasive, so ubiquitous, that we now have someone in government? Well, one of the things that I’m always fascinated when I do this work is just just, again, the age of the internet. But again, I know it’s technology, I get it. But one thing I noticed when I was in the UK recently was this. This is called a chat bench. These are benches that are showing up in parks, with those signs encouraging human beings to talk to each other. Is that where we are? Is that where we are folks? We need benches and parks encouraging humans to speak to each other. Unreal. Hmm. So sad. So sad. So now what? Now? So what do we do? I think the problem is we know if you look at the research from Harvard, and this is pretty intuitive, for most of us, is that when we looked at the in terms of well being the number one predicate For people who are in a better place in terms of the well being was not fame or fortune or hard work, it was social connections. It was relationships. Yes, those relationships, I mean, real relationships, not the ones just on Facebook. Like where you engage with people, you talk, you interact, you notice body language, it lives relationships. It’s not only good for our bodies, it’s also good for our brains. But it amazes me how many times we work with people. And we don’t really know people that well. We know the LinkedIn profile, I know the Instagram or the Facebook profile. I don’t really know people at work. I heard some people in chat say it’s kind of surface. And then amazes me how many people we work with. And we don’t really know what relationships matter that much. Do you think unpacking your story and being a little bit vulnerable and letting people in could help? I think so. So I’m going to give you a little bit of a test, I want to take you to a place. And I want to see where you’ll go with this in a way. I want you to lean into your vulnerability here a little bit. Yeah, you do need psychological safety. That is correct. You do need psychological safety indeed. So here’s I’m gonna give you three prompts. Alright, so I want you to pretend that you were sitting across from someone like this. And here are the prompts. Are you ready? My name is and I am from, maybe from Earth? I don’t know. You tell me. One thing you cannot tell just by looking at me is? This is important for me to tell you because would you right there on those three prompts. If you want to share in chat, that’d be phenomenal. My name is and I’m from one thing you cannot tell just by looking at me is? This is important for me to tell you because yeah, a little bit of vulnerability there, isn’t it? What would you say? I don’t know. I wonder these three prompts. How well do you know the people you really work with? And what would they share? Are you willing to share? See, we’re really good at showing our highlight reel. But I’m going to argue as Brene Brown suggest that there is power in vulnerability. Yeah, look at Sonia. I’m Sonia from the web, as you can tell from looking at me, as this is important for me to tell you because I might not be able to communicate as well as you’d like. All right, folks. Becky, is that real? You have 23 kids? That is a that is unbelievable. All right. Well, thanks, folks for kind of weighing in on that and sharing a little bit with you. And I just wonder if you use something similar? How well do you know the people that you work with and live with, I remember a time in a neighborhood when I moved in. And when I was a kid, the neighbors would come by and knock on the door and introduce themselves. I remember a time when I was a child, when people knocked on the door, I was excited to go see who is at the door. Now we live in time, if people knock on the door, we run the other way. key learning point folks, you change relationships, you change the culture, change relationships, you change everything. Now, what is culture? Especially in the context of work, I’m going to suggest and again, please weigh in here. The culture results from the messages we receive about what is really valued around here and what is not. When you think about that definition, culture results in the messages we receive, about what is really valued around here. And what is not beyond the core values, what are the signals? What do we value? What do we not? How do we communicate it, we can see real and we can see fake? Really clear. So if culture is such a big deal, culture comes from three sources at work behavior systems in symbols. It does the most of the work that I do working with organizations for a short time today. And most of the time, we’ve been talking about behavior, what are things that we can do in terms of being a catalyst for change in the culture? So how do we transform it? How do we transform it? Well, there’s three belonging values that I find people want a purpose. They want a path with, you know, with the career path, and they want to feel like they have a place like they belong. I call it the three P’s. There’s a purpose for this organization. We do what we do, why we do it, our ethos, what’s my career path, isn’t there one? And do I feel like I belong? Is there a place for me here, not only socially physical representation but cognitively So if that’s the case, there’s two ways in terms of making people feel like they’re included. There’s cognitive inclusion, and there is social inclusion. So what do I mean by that? Well, cognitive inclusion is valuing someone’s ideas, their perspective, their point of view. How many of you have ever been in a meeting in person, virtual, where you felt like your ideas did not matter as much as anyone ever experienced that before? Where you wanted to contribute, but it was pretty clear that people kind of sorta weren’t that interested in your ideas. So what do you think you do with your hand? You keep putting it up? No, not so much occasionally. And then you figure out, you know what, I’m not going to work that hard to contribute. So maybe I’ll just go back to my desk when this meeting is over. And do that cognitive inclusion is often missed. If you want people to feel like they matter and belong. Tap into people’s ideas. Next is social inclusion, the physical representation. Okay. Are you on in the meeting on the Zoom call on the team’s call? Are you physically in the room? Are you all in the email? If you’re not included, then we also know what that feels like. And I imagine many of you have felt like that, where a decision has been made about your team, or your area of expertise. And you weren’t included, you found out after the fact the decision had already been made. How many of you have ever been in a meeting where someone like me was at the front of the room and asked for your input? But you can tell but you could kind of sort of tell the decision was already been made? And it might have had been in one of those meetings? So it feels like you’re being placated. Yeah, everybody contributed but kind of sorta Yeah, but not so much. So clearly, they’re signaling to you, your ideas don’t really matter that much. So if we want to operationalize this and change the narrative, what might we do? So I asked you think about it under inclusion happens when either social or cognitive inclusion exist. Now we also have over inclusion. That’s when you’re on in too many meetings, on too many emails, too many projects, and you can’t get out of it. Has anybody here ever been on an email thread where it has to organization is copied on an email? And they keep replying back? Hi, bye, have no idea meeting invites are showing up? You don’t know who half the people are on the invite. But you feel the obligatory response to respond and accept even though it’s right through your lunch hour? That’s over inclusion. Yes. So this exists all the time. So those are two domains. So what might we do? So I asked you, What have you done or seen others do to make? What have you done or seen others do to make others know that they belong? Have you seen some things work in the workplace, where you’ve met with people, you or other people have made people feel like they’re included? It could be cognitively, socially, and maybe you’ve seen some over under inclusion? Maybe a little bit of both? Yes, ask them for their ideas. Maybe ask them in advance. If you have more quiet or introverted people, give them a heads up that you’re going to speak to him? Call him by name. So those are a variety of different ways that you might do it. So I asked you then if you do that, and you change the environment, you begin to change the culture. How do we continue to transform it? Now? I asked you are these the same thing? A recognition and appreciation the same? Will you think looks like overwhelmingly No, they’re not? Hmm. Not so much we say on this wellbeing Wednesday. So I’m going to say I would agree, but I would say that we often use them interchangeably. Yeah, we do. And have been working with leaders around the globe. Too often we tend and even organizations, we tend to be really good at the recognition piece, but not so much the appreciation piece. Now recognition is essentially in a work context, traditionally based on performance. It’s based on outcomes. You do a great job, achieve a goal a metric again, you may be worthy of some type of recognition. They can be formal or informal. If it’s formal monetary, you know again, that’s a whole different could be a gift card, money award trip, raise promotion, and then informal notes, sticky note etc. But again, it’s usually based on performance outcome. Now, there are some limits to recognition. As you can see if it’s performance based, it’s conditional meaning I’m going to recognize people based on performance. Okay? Pretty straightforward. It’s based on the past, it can be a scarce resource, if it’s a monetary. And if it is monetary, it has to come from the top. So in a lot of cases, there’s a finite amount of recognition to go around. Not everyone can have a parking spot at the front of the building. I can’t have everyone on the website, I can’t bring the entire company on the trip. So there’s a finite level reppin recognition. Right? Now, the difference is this recognition is about what people do. appreciation is about who they are. Yeah, let me say that, again, recognition is about what people do. appreciation is about who we are, who they are. And if we only praise positive outcomes, we miss lots of opportunities to connect with people and appreciate who they are. So for example, I might say to Barbara Smith, for example, Barbara, you don’t know this, but the energy that you bring to our Friday meetings is so contagious. I love that about you, Barbara Smith, has nothing to do with outcomes. I’m just appreciating her humanity. Or Sonia Mendez. I might say someone you don’t know this. But I love the way that you bring the team together. When we coalesce once a month. You just optimistic attitude is so contagious. I love that about you, Sonia. You see what I’m doing folks that has nothing to do with outcomes. I’m appreciating her humanity. And again, is there an opportunity to be more appreciative of the people in the new normal? Now, how many of you know this book? Excuse me? How many of you know this, but many of you do? Well, I didn’t realize how much science was in this book. And although all of us have different love languages, did you also know that we also have different appreciation languages to you see, some people at work, just want to hear it. So Michelle, or Sonia or Courtney Lopez, and I’m just using it as an example, Hey, just tell me just tell me either verbally or written now when I do you know, you appreciate me and other people acts of service. Come show me come teach me come roll up your sleeves and come back to the back of the office with me and help me when you see that I’m buried in work and I can barely get out of here on time. Some people want to spend quality time with you. One on one team building lunch coffee. Some people like the swag the gift cards, the bonuses, the T shirts, and other people like physical touch, which is again the nuance now in the COVID era. The high fives, the handshakes, etc. Now based on where you are right now, in your career, what do you think your appreciation language is right now? How do you like to be appreciated? What would you say? Now? It’s not one or the other? We usually have a primary and then we have secondaries. Would you say your primary appreciation languages at work? How do you like to be appreciated? Good and share and chat. Now talking about from colleagues, bosses, etc. What would you say? Lots of words of affirmation here is Oh, Karen likes touch high five or fist bump. Gifts Sundra. Quality time, so we’re all over the place. So I asked you those of you in leadership here. In England, I define leadership by influence not authority, but those of you who can who maybe have a small team. One Do you know your appreciation language and it sounds like you may but more importantly, do you know theirs? And should you? Should you be more intentional about appreciating people like they like to be appreciated? Verse versus like you do. Often there’s an incongruence I find that so often we appreciate people because we think they might like this. That’s not really the way they want to be appreciated. Maybe I’m quite an introvert. I don’t want to come up to the front of the room and take pictures and be in the newsletter and hang out with the Vice President. You know what I want? Just tell me Give me some time that’s it. But should you know should Juno, yes, treat others the way they want to be treated. That’s indeed. So I asked you, is there a test? Yes, there is an assessment Chandra, I do have an assessment that you can actually hand out to people, get them to opt in and see what their primary and secondary appreciation languages, which is next level leadership, so you can make people feel like they belong. Now. Again, it’s not one or the other employees need both. I’m not saying it’s one or the other both, we still need to recognize outcomes. Yes, we do. But there’s opportunities to appreciate people along the way. I’ll give you an example. And I’m using this I’m gonna get personal. So please don’t get offended. Just kidding. Really personal here. I’ve been married 26 years, which is neither here nor there. Except for this story. Let’s just say that I wasn’t the nicest partner husband Call it what you may. But just say I was really good on Valentine’s Day. Does that make the rest of the year? Okay, if I’m really only nice on Valentine’s Day? I think you know the answer. Yeah, I’m getting a resounding no. Well, that’s what it feels like work sometimes when we only recognize and we don’t appreciate that we have a few holidays, a few picnics, a few social gatherings throughout the year, and maybe a couple of wards. But the day to day stuff, the micro interactions when I really needed you to appreciate me. You weren’t there. So think about it. So again, I asked you, is there someone at work right now that you think could use a little bit of appreciation? I’m pushing younger, I’m having you grab your phone again, I’m old school, this is my device? Is there someone right now that you could send a text or email to someone you work with, that does an unbelievable job, maybe doesn’t get a lot of notoriety or appreciation. And maybe just maybe you could send them a text or email right now. And let them know how much you appreciate them. And I know, it has to be authentic. Of course, it has to be authentic. I don’t want you to make it up. I can see through fake. But if there’s someone right now that you work with, that does an unbelievable job, then maybe you could use a little bit of appreciation. Now, so let’s do it as a group. And I’m going to do it with you. As I type here myself. Barber says sometimes people need appreciation, even if they’re not doing the right thing. That’s exactly right. That’s human. Yeah, has nothing to do with outcomes. If they’re struggling, but they’re showing up in the battle every single day and continuing to push. Yes. You know, what I love about you, is that you know what you don’t give up, you’re resilient. I know you’re going through a lot, but I love it. I mean, those are conversations that matter. So thank you for weighing in there. And doing that. Now, you’ve already sent three texts and emails out today, you change the messages, you change the culture, could we be more intentional about allowing folks know how grateful and how much we appreciate them? Now? How do we sustain it? How do we sustain the culture? So something to think about? Excuse me, I want you to think about if you had to think about the three most personal moments in your life, three biggest moments you’ve had in your life, either professionally and personally. You know what they’d be? Maybe you got married and you graduated from college? Maybe your child was born? I don’t know. Could you come up with three? Could you come up with 10? The unknown? Do you remember that your whole life where there? Were there certain moments that really stood out for you in terms of the totality of your life? Now, why do I ask you’re probably wondering, well, if you look at the research, we can’t remember everything. But we do remember moments, and certain moments tend to stand out more than others. And when I look at this word, certain moments that are again, I’m assuming positive moments, joyful moments tend to have some series of positive emotions associated with them. And most of the things that we remember that stand out tend to have emotions or we call emotional tagging. So why does that matter? Well, it matters so much is that again, moment shape our lives that shape everything. And the point of it is is that could we be more intentional about creating some of these moments with the folks that we work with? Now, in that context is I talked to Got it. There are some flagship moments, there’s milestones. Do we have milestones at work? Yeah. Do we have pits? Yeah, sometimes things are hard. And we have transitions. Transition might be like the first day of work. Is that a transition the last day at work? Now, why does that matter? Stay with me here. Because we’re not trying to create such moments. We’re not, we’re trying to put up problems. But a moment is a short experience. It’s memorable, meaningful, short and relative. And I’m going to suggest that we need to be more intentional about creating such moments. So moments tend to elevate above the every day, that just transient happiness, there’s something about the moment where you clearly know that this moment matters. They also tend, in many cases, to reinforce insight into who we are, ourselves, the world, the organization, gives us a little bit of context of who we are, what we do our ethos, our purpose. They also in many cases tend to elicit pride captures at our best, as you can see here, the young lady at school got an award, how do we initiate and create some of these moments with the folks that we work with? Now, many of these moments, and most of these moments tend to be social in a lot of cases. Right? There’s connection. So my point to you is, how do we create more of these moments with the folks that we work with? The raise the stakes, the break the scrip to let people to clearly know that things on my team in this organization are a little bit different? Not every day, cuz Taco Tuesday, not every day can be a pep rally. But can we create more moments with the folks that we work with? And can we think in moments? Can we think in moments to create more moments with the folks that we work with? So that’s the backdrop this is the formula that I use to create more moments at work? What’s the intention? What’s the moment? And what impact Am I trying to create? Intention, moment, impact. So let me share with you what I mean by that, creating more moments. So I’m going to give you some examples here First day, first day when you start a new job, we know onboarding, that’s a moment. Well Dropbox. And I’m not sure they still do. But smiling cupcake is one of their core values. So when you’re a new employee, and Dropbox, this shows up at the house clearly reinforces the core values. And that’s a pretty significant moment. It’s fun, joyful, lets people know things are a little bit different here. Again, just to nuance, but something to think about. All right, Google. Again, we know Google, right? Again, when you’re started Google, they have a name for you. Can you dress up you wear a hat on the first Friday? You take photos, you’d have a cohort, you’d have reunions you get together yet people that you can ask these questions or, you know to, so you don’t feel silly. Give me another example Airbnb, again, new employees run through the tunnel becomes a rite of passage. So people really feel like they belong. Intention, moment impact. I asked you, what have you seen done? What have you experienced in your career in terms of first day experiences, where people really felt like they mattered? What have you done? Or what are you doing now? I’d love you to share in chat if you would. Anybody, what are you doing now? What have you done? What have you seen in terms of onboarding to create more moments to make people feel like they matter? All right, so employee breakfast. meet in person Yeah. Nothing stand during orientation. I remember when I started, it threw me in a room gave me a binder, a pen, a computer that like a floppy disk from the 80s and told me to knock on the door for any questions as I was filling out my paperwork and taking a bunch of compliance forms. And then people kept coming in asking me what my name was again. You Yeah, yeah. So excuse me, it sounds like in a lot of cases, you’re doing some great stuff. So my ask for you, as you think about, you know, we got a few minutes left. If you were to give your first day experience and makeover to create more moments, what would you do? If we look at the research employees tend to make a perception or judgment about their companies within the first 30 to 45 days? 30 to 45 days. So if I gave you this, put you in a room, what would you do? And does your onboarding need a little bit of a makeover to let people feel like they matter? That you’re grateful that they belong? Or people are going to come in the front door and leave the bat? All right, so a couple things here. IE, I’m going to open it up for questions. In the few minutes we have left. I want to do that. If you have any questions, please share. I am Sarah’s going to assist me I think and happy to address any questions we might have. Great group here, Carol wills wills. Yes, I will share the assessment test. If you email actually, let me see if this works. You email there. And let me we’ll send it to you.

Sarah  51:42

And if you have any questions, we have about eight minutes here, you can type them into the chat box there and we can answer those for you. And we had a question come in earlier for s Deb, when you were talking about you know, your cup being full or half full? And the question was, do you need to have a full cup before you can fill another person’s?

Devin  52:05

I mean, I ideally, yes. But in the real world, our cups not always full. So I would suggest that if you have something in the cup that you can share with others, certainly. But that’s why I’m very intentional about filling my cup every day. Some days, it’s hard. Sometimes I feel like people are pouring my cup over putting holes in my cup. But I’m very intentional about filling my cup so I can pour into others.

Sarah  52:34

And Sonia would like to know, how can we develop a better inner circle?

Devin  52:40

Yeah, so the inner circle again? Are we talking professional or personal? And again, I’ll answer both. I’m just very, very careful about who I allow in my airspace. If people at work are not congruent, or exhibiting the kind of behaviors and mindsets that I want that I just sometimes have to cease and desist hanging around them. I don’t judge them. But if they’re gossiping about people, guess what? I don’t participate. I removed myself. Because emotions are contagious. And it’s the same thing in your personal life. Either people are pouring into your cup, or they’re putting holes in your cup. Just be very careful about who you allow in your airspace.

Sarah  53:21

Great. And then we have a question here from Gail. And Gail would like to know what is your opinion about how one’s EQ influences their awareness of and capability to express gratitude?

Devin  53:33

 Absolutely, it matters. It influences their awareness and their capability. I mean, emotions, see, we get a game we’ve been taught that we’re thinking machines that feel that is incorrect. We’re feeling machines that think we feel everything. And if you want to create a highlyworkplace where human beings can thrive, you need to operationalize more of these positive emotions. And EQ is absolutely critical to that. And having conversations like that is absolutely critical. We can’t discount that. We feel everything.

Sarah  54:10

So great. And then Stephen wants to know what your opinion on work life balance is.

Devin  54:17

You know, that depends on how you define it. Now again, I would argue this in situational Steven, conversations with your team. If you’re a leader or part of a team, you need to define what it looks like. I mean, how many of you right now check email on the weekends? How many of you check it after? 6pm? How many were sneaking it getting up early on vacation, checking email, all the above? So you don’t you have a lack of boundaries on organizations that I work with and work for and can’t boil the ocean, but on your team on your team? For example, could you agree on some social norms that work for you? In other words, we’re not going to email after six o’clock or the expectation is if I send An email after six, you don’t have to have the obligatory check it before Monday morning late. And I’m going to create some group norms to group a little bit of sanity. And or if it’s mission critical, Steven, then we’ll build a work around a contingency plan. But these are the kinds of conversations that have to happen. Otherwise, you’re going to have people email in all times of the night and weekends. And if you don’t reply, then you feel like oh, again, these are great conversations in the new normal.

Sarah  55:27

And Heidi asks, how do you influence the negative Nellies?

Devin  55:33

Well, human beings aren’t born negative. It’s a learned behavior. I haven’t found too many people who come to work intentionally be negative. In most cases, it’s just been normalized. We use language like well, that’s just Sarah B. And Sarah, Teddy being petty. No. And so I sit down and have one on one conversations and talk about, again, with the again also depends on your line of sight. Are you their boss or your peer? What’s the relationship, it can feel awkward to have one of these crucial conversations, whether you or others need to let people know, again, what their behavior and some of the collateral damage now everyone that I work with tends to care about their performance for the most part, if they don’t, they probably shouldn’t be on the team. So I tend to try to find something that they value. And once I find that, then I can have a conversation that connect the dots, and let them know that the behavior they’re exhibiting at work may be an impediment to achieving the goals they want. There’s a variety different ways but those aren’t easy conversations.

Sarah  56:36

And we have another question here from Sean Andrea, who said, Have you heard of whole brain living by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor? If so how do you think the gratitude effect relates to it?

Devin  56:49

Unfortunately, I haven’t I’m not familiar with that with that book. But I will be sure to put that on my list to read, if you recommend it.

Sarah  56:57

And another question here from Steven, what do you find have the best impact on new hires?

Devin  57:05

I believe that in reference to welcoming them, so what a couple things here with me onboarding starts from when they initiate the process to come on to the organization. Every inflection point where they have to engage with your organization is an opportunity for a makeover. So as soon as they submit, submit, resume, talk, every interview, all of that is potential opportunity for a makeover. And or I would argue that the onboarding should not last the day, it should last six months, a year? What are you going to do I have to 12 months to let that person know that they’re a big deal that has a very short shelf life now, every day is not going to be the same. But on day 31, or 61? Or 91? What are we going to clearly let that person know that they’re a big part of a team. And so we’re I’m expanding the onboarding process to let people clearly know because in the first 30 days, or 45 days of a new job, you still don’t have to figure it out. You’re still trying to find your bearings. So think about that there’s an opportunity with all those inflection points, to just change the narrative a little bit and let them know they matter. I’ll give you an example. Performance reviews. Again, it’s a nuance I used to do my performance reviews via the walk when I was in a climate that was warm. Why? If I walk with you, what does that clearly suggest? This suggested that this relationship matters. Most of the things we do at work we’ve inherited, what I’m suggesting there’s some things you can do to bring some humanity back to the workplace. And that’s just one example.

Sarah  58:45

And then I think we have time here for one more question. And that question will come from Melissa, you can’t force the special moments or recognitions? How do you address it when these moments and recognitions are forgotten?

Devin  58:59

So you can’t enforce anything? No, you just need to be more thoughtful about it. And so again, I would say do you have space to think about other opportunities, again, to think about when you could create some of these moments, like, for example, Memorial Day is this weekend? On Friday? I don’t know I can’t I don’t know your team. I don’t know what they value. But there’s some opportunities to let people different people know, create a moment that they’ll matter. Again, I’ll give you an example, which is easy. How you start your meetings and how you end your meetings is as important as what happens during the meeting. How do you start your meeting and you start with good news? Do you end with good news? Don’t think big, hairy and audacious moments. There’s a little micro moments that you can clearly encapsulate to let people know I always start meetings with good news. I want people to feel good. If we’re not talking about the good news is like it doesn’t exist.

Sarah  59:53

Great. And with that, that does bring us here to the top of the hour. Thank you Devin for such a great informative session today.

Devin  1:00:01

Well, thanks for having me. This is a great group, one of the best groups I’ve ever had.

Sarah  1:00:06

And yes, thank you all for joining today’s Webinar. Today’s webinar was sponsored by the HR dq, what’s my communication style online assessment and training course, you can take a free death test drive at age 30 q store.com/w. MCs to learn how you can flex your style for optimal performance on the job and maybe at home too. And HR DQ memberships offers over 200 Human Resource webinars like this session from today to trainers, consultants and coaches, keeping you in the know with industry trends, as well as workforce virtual seminars for instructor led classes and key training topics for your employees. Whether you’re a professional learner or learning professional, we’ve got your training needs covered. You can learn more at hdq.com/memberships. Again, that does conclude our session for today. Thank you, Devin and thank you all for participating in today’s webinar. Happy training. Bye, everybody.