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By now, many of us are familiar with the idea of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) – or at the very least, have heard EQ is often a better indicator of success than intelligence. We may even be familiar with the common definition: Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways.
But how are we using that ability? How are we communicating better, empathizing more, or accepting responsibility more?
In this webinar, we will take an instant assessment to see where our personal EQ score falls. Then, we’ll lay the foundation of EQ including Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Management.
Along the way, we’ll assign green lights or red lights to our own behaviors.
Christina Butler transitions 20 years of covering breaking news as a reporter and anchor into professional coaching on presentation skills, development, and media management. Fascinated by behavioral styles, she’s trained on Emotional Intelligence and DiSC certified. running programs for both individuals and groups. As a speaker, she uses her expertise in impression management, relationship building, and media coaching to help our clients in a variety of industries.
Virtually, Christina enjoys connecting with clients and audiences on best practices for virtual engagement and presence. She is a contributing author for Best in Class: Etiquette and People Skills for Your Career (2018) and Making the Grade: Presentation Success from Classroom to Conference Room (2019). When she is not speaking or on television, Christina enjoys spending time outside with her husband and two children.
Connect with Christina on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and at www.theprofessionaledgeinc.com.
Communication skills are critical if your organization is going to perform at its best – particularly during challenging times. You can dramatically improve communication skills by building a better understanding of personal styles and their effects on others. With the What’s My Communication Style assessment, learners engage in a proven process that identifies their dominant communication style and the communication behaviors that distinguish it, then teaches them how to flex their style with colleagues for optimal communication. Learn more about What’s My Communication Style.
Red Light, Green Light: Stop and Go with EQ
0:03
Hi, everyone, and welcome to today’s webinar, Red Light, Green Light: Stop and Go With EQ, hosted by HRDQ-U and presented by Christina Butler.
0:13
My name is Sarah, and I will moderate today’s webinar. The webinar will last around one hour. If you have any questions, please type them into the question area on your GoToWebinar control panel, and we’ll answer as many as we can during today’s session.
0:28
Today’s webinar is sponsored by What’s My Communication Style Online Assessment and Training Course.
0:35
Communication skills are critical if your organization is going to perform at its best, particularly during challenging times, dramatically improve communication skills of your employees, through a better understanding of personal style and the effect on others. What’s My Communication Style assessment is just 20 minutes to an aha moment.
0:53
Learners engage in a proven process that identifies their dominant communication style, and the communication behaviors that distinguish it, then teaches them how to flex their style with colleagues for optimal communication.
1:04
Learn more at www.hrdqstore.com/wmcs, where you get to take a free test drive of the online assessments.
1:14
I’m excited to introduce our presenter today, Christina Butler.
1:17
Christina transitions 20 years in covering breaking news as a reporter and anchor into professional coaching and presentation skills, development, and media management. As a speaker, she uses her expertise in impression management, relationship building, and media coaching to help her clients and a variety of industries.
1:35
Virtually Christina enjoys connecting with clients and on audiences, on best practices, for virtual engaged statement and presence.
1:42
She’s a contributing author for Best in Class Adequate and People’s Skills for your Career and making the great presentation Success from Classroom to conference room. Thank you for joining us today, Christina.
1:55
Hi, Sarah. Thank you as always for the opportunity to be here. It’s always a fun time. Today. We are talking about EQ.
2:03
You were talking about Emotional intelligence and specifically we are talking about stop and go with EQ.
2:10
What do we stop doing when it comes to our emotional intelligence? And what do we start doing?
2:17
So within the next hour. We will review EQ. But you will leave this program with an up-to-date assessment of your own EQ. You’ll walk away with your own EQ score will also talk about Some things that we can start doing today. Some specific things that we can start and stop doing today that will immediately begin to improve your EQ.
2:40
So here is what the next hour will look like.
2:43
We’re going to talk about What is EQ?
2:47
We know is emotional intelligence, but let’s review that definition and make sure we’re all on the same page. We will then talk about your EQ score. That’s the assessment part. That’s the fun part will take 8-to-10-minute assessment and you will see your individualized specific scores in each of the four quadrants.
3:05
So if we do the assessment, then, we’ll look at those four quadrants. So we’ll review those.
3:10
And after each one, we will talk about, what should we stop? Where do we go? Again, this is like a red, light, green light? What are we stopping? When it comes to EQ? What are we starting to do?
3:22
So we want to start by talking about the definition of EQ, and I understand there are variations are different definitions, but for today’s purposes, this is what EQ.
3:33
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in ourselves and others.
3:44
We can look at an even more simple definition and, say, EQ is managing ourselves and managing others.
3:53
Atypically around this point is when somebody says, OK, I kind of understand EQ. But what about IQ? Do we not care about IQ anymore?
4:04
And, of course, we do, EQ and IQ can work together. They can go hand in hand.
4:09
I’m a big lover of analogies and words. This analogy always resonates with me.
4:16
IQ will get you into college, EQ will get you through college, and you can extend that out.
4:23
You can say, IQ will be your resume. It’s what will land. You have job, but EQ is what is going to help you out at your job.
4:33
Another way to look at it is to think IQ is your know-how.
4:38
EQ means you know, you means you know you and by extension, you know others. So there’s a difference between IQ and EQ. But again, they’re working together to make us successful.
4:49
So that’s just a brief recap of what emotional Intelligence is for today’s purposes. And let’s also talk about why it’s important.
4:57
It’s important because we know that it is one of the biggest predictors of jobs, computers, technology, they can do almost everything, except relate to human.
5:10
In a way. That’s why EQ still matters and why EQ is important.
5:16
We also know that 90% of top leaders, 90% of top performers have high EQ.
5:22
It’s something that has to be managed that have to master to get into those top position, and then my favorite thing of our own queue is that it can be learned at any age.
5:34
Your IQ is stable, your EQ, it can be grown, it can be developed, it can be practice, So that’s why it matters. In the fact that it can be large, though, means that we have to know where to borrowing rates Monday to say, OK, I know I can grow it.
5:50
But we know how we can correctly can only do that by taking an assessment and getting a genuine look at where our EQ currently is.
6:00
By doing that then we know, OK, this is where I can grow it.
6:04
These are the things I can start doing, so we are going to take an assessment right now.
6:09
I will put the website up here, but Sarah is also going to drop it over in the, in the GoToWebinar panel, you’ll be able to find it there.
6:18
Here’s what I want you to remember with this assessment.
6:21
It should take a max of 10 minutes, so we wanted to take about 8 to 10 minutes. There are 40 questions, but I’m trying to a question every minute.
6:31
The point is to not overthink these questions. Go with your gut.
6:34
Answer them as quickly as you can without overthinking. Take about 8 to 10 minutes.
6:40
Your answers, your responses, your scores will automatically pop up on your screen after you hit Submit, it won’t be e-mailed to you or anything like that. They will pop up on your screen. So go ahead and, Sarah, is that, like, ready to go for everyone?
6:55
Yes, I just dropped the link in the chat box there so you can select that link and I’ll direct straight to the assessment.
7:03
Great, and then we will meet off camera for a little while everyone, cases, but let me back here in about 8 to 10 minutes, as you finish up your assessment, you get the scores. If you want to jump over, and just let us know via chat and down, or finished, Hopefully, that’ll give us an idea. So, go ahead and start the assessment. And we’ll see you back here in just a bit.
9:15
Sarah, I’ll unmute myself here briefly to say I did see somebody mentioned that the website was blocked by their organization. They weren’t able to take this assessment. Thank you for your patience. The assessment is not necessary for the rest of the program. You can still get some key takeaways from this without knowing your individualized score but thank you for letting us know.
12:36
And thank you to those of you who are letting us know that you are finished. I see a couple of those couple more minutes, just to make sure everybody has enough time. What you see on your screen now, this block with four terms in there, that shouldn’t be what pops up on your screen once you are complete, as well. So, continue to let us know when you’re done, and we’ll use that as a guide as to when we can continue.
14:05
Let’s take about 30 more seconds here.
15:10
So it looks like we have quite a few people who are done, and, again, to anybody who was on a computer or a work computer that blocked the website to this assessment. This is a good time to point out the handout that Sarah has nicely posted under the handouts pulled down in the GoToWebinar menu. And on this handout, the assessment link is right there. It’s typed on there.
15:34
So if you do print out that that handout, or download it, you’ll have that link there. You can go back, and you don’t really take this down the road to see if your EQ has improved or ticket for the first time if you had some problems today.
15:50
Why do I look over here to see, OK, people are saying, it has worked for them, and a lot of people saying they’re ready to continue. So we’ll move on. And what you see on your screen right here, these boardwalks, the self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management.
16:10
These are going to be your scores four quadrants that will make up EQ.
16:17
I want to stress that the goal is not to get a 10 in every single category as a certified EQ trainer and assessment reporter.
16:31
If I see somebody had tens across the board, that tells me that maybe they’re not itself aware as they, so the goal is not to have straight cans.
16:41
And, remember, you can always be improved, another way to look at these quadrants, These four areas here.
16:49
Is it a nice little shape like this?
16:51
I know some variations of emotional intelligence might have a fifth, they may be laid out differently, but this is the core right here. We’re looking at what we’re talking about today.
17:01
This is the core of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, social awareness, management, and relationship management. And for those of you who did print out the handout, if you want to write those scores that you have at each of those four categories, you can write them right next to each of the breakout areas right here. And that way you can reference it as we continue through the program.
17:28
These are the four quadrants that we’ll talk about. And we’ll talk about what your scores mean in each of these.
17:33
We like this set up this quadrant because it shows how emotional intelligence is really a loop.
17:40
It’s a constant loop.
17:41
Self-awareness is the root.
17:44
The root of your EQ, the level of uruk hue is tied to self-awareness.
17:51
Once you have that self-awareness, then comes the social awareness, then comes the self-management. And finally, it culminates in this relationship management.
18:00
So probably like this outline and that’s what we will work with today.
18:04
And we’ll start with self-awareness with the basic definition here.
18:09
The awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your moods emotions, and tribes, as well as their effect on others.
18:18
So when we’re talking about self-awareness and what we can do to improve our self-awareness.
18:25
I want you to think about it as just simply observing.
18:28
You are just getting in, touch with what you see and what you feel, how you feel, how you act. We’re not trying to manage, how we feel are active, were, just becoming aware of it.
18:40
And self-awareness.
18:43
I’ll give you some examples of what is included in self-awareness. This is not exhaustive, there are other things that could be included in self-awareness. But here are some good points to start with when we talk about self-awareness.
18:56
We wouldn’t be taking the time to think about, do I really know my self-confidence?
19:02
What is it?
19:04
Do I have an authentic understanding of how I feel about myself?
19:09
Along with this? Am I giving myself enough empathy and might be too hard on myself, and my being accurate? And eventually, it will just becoming aware of what our self-confidence is at this point.
19:21
We’re paying attention to changes in emotional state.
19:25
This one, it’s always that they want to me, because this, what this really neat paying attention to changes in your emotional state. That’s a fancy way of saying whatever frameworks, what really sets you off.
19:36
No hot buttons for you when somebody says, push your buttons that they’re talking about. Pay attention to changes in your emotional state. What shifts your emotional state quickly?
19:47
Recognizing cause and effect and emotion.
19:51
Yeah, I’m just recognizing it, an example of the conflict with a co-worker.
19:56
and you have to meet with them.
19:58
What happens what is the effect when you bring in your emotion? It’s simply no longer about the issue.
20:07
Maybe there’s some jealousy with this conflict because they got a promotion, and you didn’t. Maybe there’s some frustration with this co-worker.
20:16
What happens when you bring those emotions into a meeting?
20:20
It probably doesn’t end up as well. At this point. We just want to be aware of what happens when we do that. And, finally, emotional identification.
20:27
As Sarah mentioned, when she was introducing me, my background is in television news. Love work. So here we use a lot of analogies and love words, handled the power of words.
20:38
This is, I’m not saying I mastered this, but I’m saying I recognize the importance of this emotional identification, being what words, you have to define your moods and you’re feeling people with high levels of emotional intelligence. Have hundreds of ways to describe how they’re feeling.
20:57
It’s not just Bragi …, why we say that. Because that’s what we’re really looking to be self-aware. What do you really mean by that? Why are you crappy? Are you just grumpy? Or are you feeling satisfied? Are You feeling defeated?
21:14
Overwhelmed.
21:16
It’s really being able to identify what your emotions are, and sometimes we don’t want to go through this self-awareness quadrant are paying attention. Sometimes, we’re going to just have a very positive thing about ourselves.
21:28
That can improve.
21:30
Maybe we really didn’t martial competence, and we decided to tell myself some of the stuff I need to lift up. These are positive things. We discovered, but we might also discover some negative things.
21:41
I prefer to call them opportunities, some opportunities to improve ourselves with our self-awareness. When you find out when you find those opportunities, there are things that you don’t love, within self-awareness, when you find, hey, I do have a lot of hot button triggers.
21:56
I want you to remember this quote.
21:59
To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of it the out in someone else to know ourselves, and we have to be ready to it to face some of the things that are challenging for us to really improve.
22:14
So I like that quote there.
22:16
Now when we just went through this, Delaware’s, I gave you a very broad overview of some of the things that are within it. How are we identifying our feelings? Are we aware of what really sets us off?
22:30
Replace red, light, green light, again, if you had your hand up, go back to it.
22:34
What I’m going to ask you to do, is to think about Withing self-awareness.
22:39
What is one thing you could stop doing? and what is one thing that you could go or start doing, start improving?
22:49
I know we went through them quickly because we’re going abroad here, so I gave you some examples here. I take, let’s say two minutes and look at this list and find your goal.
22:58
What do you need to either continue or start doing, but then also look at these, is there something here that I’m doing the opposite?
23:08
Something I need to stop, maybe there’s something you need to stop. It has to do with self-awareness that isn’t on this list. By all means, use that. These are just suggestions. So maybe you look, and you say, I’m not really thinking, or I’m acting.
23:21
Then I have to stop.
23:23
Stop acting before thinking. So take two minutes, and all your worksheet or handout, if you were able to print it out right on there. If not, just jot down one thing to go with and one thing to stop.
24:29
Oh.
24:31
Sarah, as they are taking a minute or two to write down or stop and go here, I did see one question.
24:37
I’m not sure if you were able to reply about the handout and correct me if I’m wrong, but if they need a reminder and ratify the handout is under the panel.
24:50
Yes.
24:52
You can download the handout for today under the Handouts drop-down on your control panel there.
25:00
Thank you.
25:17
OK.
25:21
I’ll come back on my web camera here. I was explaining, before we started that we’ve been having some Internet issues on our streets, or rather the breathing, I might be jumping on and off my camera.
25:32
Hopefully, prevent that. So that’s why I thank you for your understanding. of that. We were able to find one thing here, start one thing to go. 1. 1 thing to go with, one thing to stop, when we’re talking about self-awareness.
25:46
We’ll move into our next one here, which is, Yeah, and self-management comes after self-awareness, because we have to be aware of what we want to manage. When herself management, we realize that we can be in control of what we get. We can control our feelings and our reaction.
26:08
We’re in charge of that.
26:10
The definition of self-management is right here.
26:13
Self-management is the ability to control your emotions and redirect, disrupting the suspending judgement, and thinking before acting.
26:24
Then last, and self-awareness: We’re aware of if we do it, now, we’re figuring out, OK, now I have to actually do it. Now, I have to do something about it, I have to manage it.
26:33
So, when we’re talking about this, again, it gives us the power to control those negative emotions.
26:40
There are a couple of examples here that we can talk about two of some different areas that fall under self-management.
26:47
We’re talking about discipline and self-control.
26:49
So maybe self-awareness, we realized, you know, what, really struggle with discipline. Because I tend to, I’m aware that I get sucked into doom scrolling on my phone or iPad way too much time on social media. I’m not disciplined enough to stay away from that so now I’m top management. We say, you know, I’m going to manifest.
27:10
I’m going to have two hours of the day where I do nothing but focus on doing something productive, and I’m not, I’m, I put my devices, right? This is where the management of that. Discipline, self-control, being trustworthy, creating goals indirection.
27:25
Again, self-awareness, you found out, you know what? I’m no longer, I’m not really sure where to go. Now, we create the goals in this reaction.
27:32
We’re cognizant of that gap.
27:34
So now we’re putting in place: motivation, initiative, optimism, positive outlook, flexibility, and adaptability.
27:42
How huge are loads right now?
27:44
Flexibility and adaptability, right now, almost two years.
27:50
It’s part of our daily lives, for the most part. We’re constantly having to be flexible, adaptable.
27:56
I’m speaking for all of us because I’m assuming you allow your dealing with that. If your parents, your kids’ schedules might be back in chaos, unpredictable right now, are the remote working, or you back in the office. There’s lots of flexibility and adaptability. This is where we learn how to manage our reactions to that.
28:12
And I’ll give you a more specific example of this here.
28:16
So, maybe in self-awareness, you realize that a hot button, a trigger, or something that sets you off, is unexpected schedule changes, especially when it comes to deadline, as kind of common, uncommon trigger that can really upset a lot of people.
28:36
Let’s say you have a meeting scheduled for three o’clock, where you do are supposed to give a project update presentation for Israel, 11 o’clock. You’re thinking, I’ve got all the better more hours. I really, I’m going to go into this, Kind of, I can prepare. They’ll call.
28:53
All of a sudden, you get an e-mail that says, nope.
28:58
Meeting is now one o’clock.
29:00
You’re self-aware enough at this point to know, OK, I know what’s going to happen physically going next and self-aware. I know that when I get triggered, maybe my face is going to start to flush. I can get a little heated, and I know that I’m going to act in a way that might get hostile co-workers and make it short.
29:17
OK, I may just be so angry for the next hour that I can’t even focus.
29:22
This is, again, a self-management part you’re aware of, though.
29:24
So now, you know that you need to manage your reaction to that trip.
29:29
That comes by being adaptable, flexible.
29:32
When you can control the reaction that you have to that, you can instead say, OK, instead of completely losing focus because I’m angry and wasting the next hour, I’m going to focus strictly on this. Take some breaths.
29:45
Calm myself down, do whatever it is, and self-awareness.
29:48
I discovered, that helps me take two minutes to, do you acquire meditation, and then be back in the next 48 hours, or 40 minutes. So this is where you actually manage it.
29:59
And this part, I love this quote here. A lot of us might be familiar with the author and the presenter speaker there.
30:07
But look at the word responsibility response, a villain.
30:12
The ability to choose your response, we get to choose how we react to events.
30:17
This self-management is the quadrant where that happens for choosing how we react.
30:23
Again, I know we’re going through these rather quickly, but it’s because we’re happy, we’re getting a broad overview today.
30:29
So, it’s also why, instead of just asking you, without giving you some suggestions, instead of just telling you, OK, write down something to start to go within something to solve. I’m also giving you some suggestions, but under self-management, these are some of the things that we can look at.
30:43
The things that we can either start or stop.
30:45
And I’ll give you again, another 2 or 3 minutes really Read this. Let’s think about, OK, that one, I can start doing that, and are absolutely not doing right now, my life, and join me. So, I’m gonna do, now is, I’m going to stop at sidewalk camera here. And I’ll give you another 2 or 3 minutes, let me know.
31:04
Again, it’s really helpful to me, by the way, when, after you’re finished just for me to get an idea of your timing. If you can just drop, done, or a note in the question of thing that’s helpful to go ahead and take 2 or 3 minutes, write down, one, you’ll start with.
32:50
here under self-management! one thing, you’ll stop, one thing, you’ll go.
33:39
Thank you, to those of you, again, who jumped in the chat, the question area, to let me know that you’re done, thank you. So, we’ve talked about the self-awareness, self-management, side of emotional intelligence. We talked about the south side was open to the social side now because he was really made up of one-sided fat self once I got others, social relationships, and we’re on the other side now.
34:05
And when we talk about social awareness, it means the ability to empathize and maintain sensitivity to the moods and emotions of others.
34:17
This is, simply, it’s reading the room.
34:21
It’s reading other people.
34:23
It’s putting yourself in their shoes.
34:26
That’s social awareness.
34:29
I’m sure we can all think of somebody, either in our professional or our personal lives.
34:34
That doesn’t pick up on social cues, doesn’t know how to read the mood that you’re in.
34:41
You can tell that about somebody when you meet them, whether they can really read the person, whether they are aware. So, let’s talk about social awareness, and what this nice. That’s the definition, but here’s what it involves.
34:54
And this is, so, this social awareness of all for, all four are important, obviously.
35:00
And, we know self-awareness is the root relationship management, all that social awareness, any times are so important, that first one, their empathy.
35:09
empathy, this is social awareness.
35:11
Having empathy, not just knowing what somebody is going through, but really feeling pregnant, reading the moods of others.
35:20
If somebody says, hi, are you going to believe? Or are you also looking at that next one there in yellow?
35:29
Are you hearing what they’re not saying?
35:32
They’re verbal, non-verbal signals.
35:35
This is all social awareness, reading modes.
35:38
Hearing those verbal and non-verbal signals, Organizational awareness.
35:43
This part of social awareness has to do with inside your organization.
35:48
Are you aware of those called hidden politics?
35:52
Are you aware of the hidden politics within your organization?
35:55
Are you paying attention? Include in, Aware as to what those inner communication reps are within your company.
36:05
A service to others, and then they believe I’m continuing education.
36:09
So I was actually just going through some, some updated education on emotional intelligence to see, you know, what, when, which they discovered in the past couple of months that, I hadn’t heard before. And the instructor on, it said something pretty powerful about service to others.
36:26
Social awareness.
36:27
We used to think of service to others as, OK. Are you volunteering?
36:32
Philanthropy.
36:33
How are you helping your community, right? That was the picture we got.
36:37
But in this case, they said to think of service to others, not only physically do, but, but how you react to people.
36:46
Are you understanding? Are you listening?
36:48
Are you not rushing to judgement on others? Are you listening to their opinions, even if you don’t agree with them?
36:56
And, again, this part, we are just aware of that, are we aware of how we are reacting or taking listening to opinions that don’t necessarily line up with timely. So, I wanted to share that tidbit there about service to others. Other social awareness.
37:15
These are all these are things that fall under social, where it’s again, not an exhaustive list, but some ideas as to what is involved there.
37:24
And I know that the hearing verbal, non-verbal say, no, I did say something about our virtual communication skills here.
37:31
Because this was easier to do what we were face-to-face in a room. That somebody could read their body language. If we were addressing a meeting for a meeting, or talking, and we suddenly, oh, you know, we’re paying attention, and we see somebody tapping their foot.
37:48
Or we are making notes. We know we’ve lost our attention, are paying attention to those cues.
37:53
Virtually, it’s so much harder to pay attention to those non-verbal cues.
37:59
People might not have a web camera. And first of all, all your Yarn is their voice.
38:02
If that, we’re also only able to read the queues in this little box.
38:08
All right. We can’t pick up on those visual cues.
38:10
So you have to remember to be aware of other people’s cues. And we have to try harder for that virtually.
38:18
If there isn’t a camera there, maybe you need to do some more verbal checking in.
38:22
But when I’m talking about reading cues, really, if people do have the road cameras on, pay attention to their fate.
38:29
Pay attention to their faith. Are you aware of whether they’re paying attention to you on the other side of that screen or if a camera? Or they, again, looking down or making grocery lists? We want to be rare.
38:40
these non-verbal cues.
38:43
The other part that comes into this social awareness and things that you can do, active, listening, active listening, and easy to say. I’ve got my listening skills.
38:54
I had a 20-minute conversation with a colleague, and I only talk for 10 minutes, or I just talked to my sibling, and I let them do most of the talking. That doesn’t mean restaurant, a listener, social awareness.
39:07
We become more aware of people who are invested in their conversation and we’re truly hearing and listening to them.
39:14
So, a couple of tips with active listening, we can paraphrase when we’re listening to somebody or paraphrase. And we’re making sure we understand what they said, that lets them know that we’re aware of what they’re saying, and it’s also making sure that we’re aware of our comprehension of what they’re saying.
39:33
Ask open-ended questions I loved as part of social awareness. The reporter really loves the who, what, when, where why.
39:39
Open-ended question, that means when somebody is opening up to you, you’re asking, how did that make you feel?
39:46
When do you think you can fit that in your schedule?
39:48
Those open-ended questions that encourage them to talk back to you so you can be aware, more aware of them, and what’s going on.
39:56
Clarifying questions, again, just to be aware because we’re not awareness collateral Still not management, but be aware of your understanding, and also, we’re talking about being attentive.
40:09
We’re putting our phones down when we’re listening.
40:11
We’re focusing on the person without distraction. This fall plays into active listening.
40:16
I do a whole webinar on active listening and in the skills that go with it, but there’s just a couple, a couple of key points on it, and I wonder if many of you might already be familiar. active listening and what goes into it. But I wanted to just briefly touch on it, because it does fall under social awareness, social learning stuff, have to do with that active listening.
40:38
We’re back to the red light, green light part for social awareness. Again, some suggestions here. Maybe when I was explaining something else, clicked in your mind, feel free to make up your own idea that you should stop, that you should start, but there are some on your screen for you right here, and, again, it is helpful if you let me know in the chat. When you’re done and package the queue that I can keep going without rushing you. Again, remember one thing that you can start doing within that social awareness project and one thing that you can start to 2 to 3 minute and, again, keeping that modem, it’d be awesome.
43:30
OK, thanks again, for the use.
43:33
Looks like we had enough time to write down something to stop, and something to go with social awareness, it.
43:40
That brings us, if we go back to our quadrant view here, that brings us to our final one, which is Relationship Management, and this is where everything gets put together.
43:49
First are self-aware.
43:50
Then we’re self-managing social awareness and relationship management, and here’s what we consider the definition for this.
43:58
More description for this relationship management is the ability to build value, adding relationships with others.
44:07
The important thing to note here is, we’re not saying friendship and friendships, people who are very high in EQ within relationship management. People who have high scores in relationship management, within EQ: Understand that there is value in having quality relationships, even with people you don’t necessarily get along with.
44:34
There are still ways that you can have a good relationship in a professional value-added expense, and I’m certainly not simplifying this into preschool terms, but I do have, my youngest is 4.5, so we still a preschool.
44:47
And there’s, again, this class, and it just can’t get along with.
44:50
You just can’t afford a half year old man at that. They’ve got a problem.
44:53
Sometimes he could get the problems with this kit. So what do we teach him?
44:59
We teach him, OK? You don’t have to be friends with him, but you have to be friendly with him.
45:05
Basically, I think that phrase school reasoning, but we’re magnifying it a relationship management as adults. We don’t have to be best friends with people, but we still to figure out how to have relationships with them.
45:16
And here are some of the things that are included with this.
45:19
Once we do that most we can figure out how to have these high bounding relationships, These quality relationships, conflict resolution a lot easier.
45:28
That’s part of this. We can also separate from relationships in this art.
45:35
We’re, we’re, we’re enough, and we’re managing ourselves and were socially aware enough that we can begin to become a coach and mentor great care to people, that that’s in this fourth quadrant here.
45:46
We’re coaching and mentoring people, or mastering teamwork.
45:51
They were socially aware enough to pick up on other people’s cues and what might be their hot buttons. So now, we know what to avoid when it comes to teamwork and getting good results.
46:02
We’re influencing people here.
46:04
And again, we have that quality relationships.
46:08
Portion two, there are more things that fall under here, but again, a broader view of relationship management. I know part of this is also just as simple as making people feel important.
46:21
Making people feel important. Making them want to have that productive relationship with you. What is easiest, easiest way to do this?
46:30
If you remember people’s names. It sounds so basic. But how many times have you met somebody, and they walk up, and they say, hi, great conversation, and they walk away.
46:38
And two minutes. As I told you what the rain wasn’t, all of a sudden, you’re like me.
46:45
We get into the psychology, but why that happens, because typically we’re so focused on the visual and the vocal what they were sounds like and don’t actually pay attention over to be getting a psychology of that. But let’s move past that recognize and be aware of that. But that’s what happened is that there’s a reason.
47:02
We don’t remember people’s names and think about what we can do to remember them.
47:08
A blazer impression concentrates on the name when they say, Yeah, we’re aware of it now. So now we know, OK, this is why I forget people’s names right away, because I’m so focused on everything else and those for a second. So I’m going make it a goal to concentrate.
47:21
Think about their name, as you are, talking to them. Repetition, repeat the name over and over. Do along the way their names out, so repeat their name in casual conversation as you’re talking to them.
47:34
And then association, this is always a good one, too.
47:38
It’s like, sorry, personal story. My, if the founder, owner, president of My Company, Holiness when Brio Way back when I first met her?
47:47
I have to introduce her, and I always wanted to pronounce it real, the way it was felt.
47:55
I had to make a rhyme. Down here, number three I had to associate her name with a right to also her appearance. So, in my head, I would think Lynn Braille, hashtag …. And that’s how I got the name to sink in and interpret snake. So, there are some tricks that kicks excuse me, So tricks. And tips there to remember names. But, again, the important thing is to be aware of the fact that it’s important to do it.
48:21
We want to move into our final, then here, stop and go with EQ within Relationship Management.
48:32
And, again, a couple of ideas here for you. What are you doing already?
48:36
What do you do well, that you can continue to go with, or What does a brand-new you can go with, and what can you stop? And we’ll do the same thing. I’ll give you about two minutes and read this list, absorb it, and think of one for each of those, and then we’ll come back and conclude.
50:02
OK, thanks again, let me know that you were done and thanks for taking the time to make a note of those states with age category. What can you stop and wire, where can you go? I always think writing it down really helps us to remember it and reflect on it more of a lot in the last 15 minutes. And thanks for, again. For your participation, we have reviewed the definition, the base definition of emotional intelligence. What is it?
50:31
Many of you took the assessment and gotten your individualized scores, have a baseline now. And remember, if you couldn’t get through to that assessment, there is a link to it on that handout, so you can do it at any time. That’s not a temporary. That will be open for you whenever you’d like.
50:47
We reviewed the four quadrants. We talked about each of those.
50:50
And then, after each of those, again, we talked about knowing where to stop, and where are we going to go? So, thank you for your participation today. I want to wrap up before I hand it back over to Sarah.
51:01
I heard a story recently that I thought really summed up high emotional intelligence, and I loved it so I want to share it with you before I pass it back over to Sarah.
51:10
I’m also a presentation skills trainer, and I was in doing one of those trainings, and this woman was sharing with our group that she doesn’t like public speaking. Even if it’s private, didn’t, even if she private in our own, speaking into a web camera, she doesn’t like presenting. It makes it very nervous. She stages, right?
51:29
But she had a huge presentation.
51:31
She had to give, gotta give this presentation to her boss and several other colleagues and she was very satisfied.
51:37
So in the presentation begins, she started her. As she tells she flashed Self-aware: Chelsea Splash Saigon to the right on camera.
51:46
At that moment, about two minutes in I should say about two minutes into her presentation.
51:51
Her toddler, whose JK was close, comes running in the room and proceeds to like climb up on our little truck, and he or she is trying to give this professional important presentation to our boss and other colleagues and her toddler interrupts.
52:04
She said she completely collapsed like this physically, still with a web camera on and thought, I just don’t like my computer, my job because that was her worst nightmare.
52:15
That was how she was feeling a stab at her boss instead of getting this negative reaction, her boss that, oh, hang on, hang on, hang on, your son, bring him back for a second.
52:28
Reached on his own death, clown nose, and talk to the kid for a minute with this comment time. And that’s OK. But I know you’re not going to continue course.
52:37
And I thought what an exact, excellent example of using EQ and these times, he was aware, had empathy for the situation that she was working from home with children there.
52:47
He was aware of her visual cues that she was already nervous, and they handled it in a way.
52:51
That was empowering. So I love that story. Sarah. So I wanted to share it because I was such a good example, a timely example of high EQ, and everyone one in that scenario should be able to get it together and continue on with this. good presentation. So I love that story.
53:04
I wanted to share that before I hand it back over to you, Sarah, and I know you’ve been monitoring the questions as we’ve gone through this era, but were there any that came in that I missed? Or she opened it up to other people who might have questions now?
53:20
Yeah, well, that was a really great story, I just wanted to share. I think those are really great story, too. To wrap up today’s session, we do have some time.
53:27
If you have any questions, please type them into the questions box, and we can answer some of those for you today before we wrap up.
53:36
Today’s webinar, we did have a comment come through from Firebrand, Barbara said, it was really hard to choose things to staff. Do you have any commentary on that, Christina?
53:46
Idea was always, it’s always, so much easier to say, Yep, I’m going to do this, I would absolutely do that.
53:52
So, it’s so much easier plan to do things that actually confront things we do, but that goes back to self-awareness.
53:59
We have to take the time to be self-aware of what we’re doing, that’s hurting us negatively, and when I say hurting us, what are we doing? What, where do we lack discipline? How are we letting our moods and emotions control us? We have to be aware of that. And then we have to make those hard choices and devote the time to doing those things.
54:20
I agree, I agree.
54:22
Good observation.
54:23
It’s hard harder to stop that. It is to start a question. Come through from K one K. This is, how long should you wait before you respond to it difficult?
54:35
I’m going to e-mail the day for that question.
54:40
I think, first of all, tend to be easier to get ourselves with and maybe an in person face-to-face confrontation, but is an e-mail that you are self-aware enough to know but it immediately fired you upright, and you did a bang out A response and realized I should send us.
54:58
You need to be willing to be practicing that self-awareness to be in check with We have our emotions calmed down.
55:06
Hey, it’s not as simple as saying, you should wait 47 minutes, or you should wait three hours and 32 minutes. It’s not that simple.
55:12
It has more to do with being self-aware enough to know that your emotion, our back down, and you’re back in control and you can react.
55:23
I’m sorry, you can respond instead of reacting.
55:26
So there’s no magic formula as far as the number of minutes or hours. The key is more to be self-aware enough to know that you are in a position where you will respond instead of reacting.
55:38
And we have another question here from Alex. And Alex says, how do you tell a co-worker that they need to communicate differently with you?
55:46
How do you Jellicoe worker, they need to communicate differently with you?
55:49
Yes.
55:51
You know, without knowing all the details of that, and unfortunately every workplace, especially larger ones, there might be somebody who is difficult.
55:59
But without knowing the specifics of that, I would advise somebody to first, check back in with yourself, OK, are very difficult to everyone, or just to you know, is it just you and this person who have personalities that don’t match, or is this a bigger problem first? You, that self-check in?
56:17
then, once you check it, and you realize, OK, this isn’t me. I’ve done everything possible to try and communicate in a way that works, you know, I’ve used all my social awareness, charm it all by relationship management.
56:29
Every tool in my toolbox and I still can’t communicate professionally with this person, then, at that point, maybe have an open-ended question, or have an open-ended conversation.
56:39
Conversation with open-ended questions, OK, how can I best communicate you? Maybe it’s as simple as that. If this person, if you use your social awareness to pick up on their fields. And then can sense that they might at least, to be opened to also wanting to improve communication, don’t have a conversation with them, and use those open-ended questions to focus on that active listening.
57:00
Great. And then, the final question for today is coming from Kelly.
57:04
And Kelly asks, do you think emotional intelligence can be taught, can be taught?
57:12
And thank you for that question, too, Kelly.
57:13
I think it can be taught, as it can be spoken.
57:18
You can make people aware of that, but it’s not like reading, where if you read it, it’s in your brain, you know. There’s another step to it.
57:29
You can teach people what’s involved in it.
57:31
You can teach people how you can give them tricks to improve it. But the real learning and development comes when people made the choice to devote time to it, right?
57:43
It’s professional athletes, professional musicians, they are high density, extensive training in controlling their emotions, because the last thing that they want to happen is to be on the court or onstage and have their emotions take over and overshadow their skill. That’s something they have to work on.
58:02
So, can it be taught?
58:03
Awareness can be taught awareness, and here’s this idea of EQ and here are things you can do, but the actual work and success comes from people doing it themselves.
58:14
Great. And we did actually have one more question come through that I’d like to squeeze in here on these remaining. two minutes that we had from Kelly, and Kelly asks, when working with difficult people, let’s say they are upset, how do you help them de-escalate while addressing their behavior is not OK?
58:34
So how do you help somebody you’re working with de-escalate, while also letting them know their behavior is not OK?
58:43
We’re working on an ally, all, all the different quadrants in that situation, and we’re understanding that’s a big goal to that’s a good goal. To communicate with somebody who is heated, you’re using that social awareness realized, OK, there, I can’t remember the exact term. Kelly, just use of it, but there’s actually an appropriate or the heating.
59:02
First, you’re social aware enough that they are, but you have to be aware in that moment of how are they responding, really reading between the lines? What are they upset about?
59:12
Are they upset about the topic of this meeting, or are they upset about something else that’s going on? Really reading them.
59:20
Reading if I didn’t attract or you’re out what’s really happening with them, because that’s going to tell you whether you can actually handle that issue or not.
59:28
Then the second part of That can remind me, but it was with and with also correcting every year.
59:36
Yes, so helping them de-escalate, but also let them know what they’re doing, what’s not, OK?
59:42
With that one, it’s time.
59:45
Hep B at the …, de-escalate.
59:48
Not in that moment. Correct? The behavior, I would recommend time Again.
59:52
Specifics, it’s hard, but that would put the buffer in there.
59:56
Nobody is going to absorb any constructive criticism, opportunity, or correction to their behavior in a heated moment. So I would revisit the correcting them. The behavior after an amount of time has passed what everybody’s back to good, rational, calm levels.
1:00:16
Great. And that does bring us here up to the top of the hour. Thank you so much for joining us today, Christina.
1:00:23
Yes, thank you, Sarah. Thanks, everybody, again for the participation and questions.
1:00:28
Yes. We did have some questions about the recording. This event is being recorded. You can look at our memberships. We will be sending out some information, following our event about our memberships, where you can then locate that recording. Today’s webinar was sponsored by the What’s My Communication Style, Online Assessment and Training Course. Take a free trial. Test drive at www.hrdqstore.com/wmcs and learn how you can flex your style for optimal performance on the job and maybe at home to. That is all the time that we have for today. Thank you all for participating in today’s webinar. Happy Training!
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One Response
Q&A from the webinar.
Question: It was really hard to choose things to stop, do you have any commentary on that, Christina?
Answer: I do, it’s always so much easier to say “Yep I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna absolutely do this.” It’s so much easier plan to do things that actually confront things we do, but that goes back to self-awareness. We have to take the time to be self-aware of what we’re doing, that’s hurting us negatively, and when I say hurting us, what are we doing? What, where do we lack discipline? How are we letting our moods and emotions control us? We have to be aware of that. And then we have to make those hard choices and devote the time to doing those things.
Question: How long should you wait before you respond to a difficult email?
Answer: I think, emails first of all, tend to be easier to control ourselves with than maybe an in person face-to-face confrontation, but is an email that you are self-aware enough to know that it immediately fired you up, right? And you did the bang out a response and realized okay wait I shouldn’t send this. You need to be practicing that self-awareness to be in check with when have our emotions calmed down. Hey, it’s not as simple as saying, you should wait 47 minutes, or you should wait three hours and 32 minutes. It’s not that simple. It has more to do with being self-aware enough to know that your emotions are back down, and you’re back in control and you can respond.
Question: How do you tell a co-worker that they need to communicate differently with you?
Answer: You know, without knowing all the details of that, and unfortunately every workplace, especially larger ones, there might be somebody who is difficult. But without knowing the specifics of that, I would advise somebody to first, check back in with yourself, okay, are they difficult to everyone, or just to you? You know, is it just you and this person who have personalities that don’t match, or is this a bigger problem? First do that self-check in. And then, once you check-in and you realize, okay, this isn’t me, I’ve done everything possible to try and communicate in a way that works, you know, I’ve used all my social awareness charm and all my relationship management. Every tool in my toolbox and I still can’t communicate professionally with this person, then, at that point, maybe have an open-ended question, or have an open-ended conversation. Conversation with open-ended questions, okay, how can I best communicate with you? Maybe it’s as simple as that. If this person, if you use your social awareness to pick up on their cues. And then can sense that they might at least, to be open to also wanting to improve communication, sit down and have a conversation with them, and use those open-ended questions to focus on that active listening.
Question: Do you think emotional intelligence can be taught?
Answer: I think it can be taught, and it can be spoken. You can make people aware of it, but it’s not like reading, where if you read it, it’s in your brain, you know. There’s another step to it. You can teach people what’s involved in it. You can teach people how you can give them tricks to improve it. But the real learning and development comes when people made the choice to devote time to it, right? It’s professional athletes, professional musicians, they all have extensive training in controlling their emotions, because the last thing that they want to happen is to be on the court or onstage and have their emotions take over and overshadow their skill. That’s something they have to work on. So, can it be taught? Awareness can be taught awareness, and here’s this idea of EQ and here are things you can do, but the actual work and success comes from people doing it themselves.
Question: When working with difficult people, let’s say they are upset, how do you help them de-escalate while addressing their behavior is not okay?
Answer: We’re combining a lot, all the different quadrants in that situation, and we’re understanding that’s a big goal to that’s a good goal to communicate with somebody who is heated, you’re using that social awareness to realize, okay, there, I can’t remember the exact term Kelly just used there, but just acting inappropriate or their heated. First, you’re social aware enough that they are, but you have to be aware in that moment of how are they responding, really reading between the lines. What are they upset about? Are they upset about the topic of this meeting, or are they upset about something else that’s going on? Really reading them. Reading their body language, trying to figure out what’s really happening with them, because that’s going to tell you whether you can actually handle that issue or not. Then the second part of that is time.