Everyone Communicates but Few Connect

Sarah  00:03 

Hi everyone and welcome to today’s webinar. Everyone communicates few connect, hosted by HRDQU and presented by Patti Missoula. My name is Sarah and I will moderate today’s webinar. The webinar will last around one hour. If you have any questions or comments, please type them into the questions box on your GoToWebinar control panel. And we’ll answer as many questions today as we can. Today’s webinar is sponsored by the HR dq, what’s my communication style online assessment and training course, communication skills are critical if your organization is going to perform at its best, particularly during challenging times dramatically improve communication skills of your employees through a better understanding of personal style and the effect on others. What’s my communication style assessment is just 20 minutes to an aha moment, learners engaged in a proven process that identifies their dominant communication style and the communication behaviors that distinguish it. Then it teaches them how to flex their style with colleagues for optimal communication. Learn more at HR DQ store.com/w MCs or you get to take a free test drive of the online assessment. Today’s webinars presented by Patti Miss sullo. Patty is a certified leadership and professional development coach and Maxwell disc trainer. She has been an entrepreneur most of her adult life owning both online and offline businesses. Patti has mastered the art of communication using proven strategies to help businesses create compelling new ways to connect in every area of their life, both at home and in the workplace, also certified in mental health and brain health. Patti is passionate about how people are wired and thrives on helping individuals and companies work and play to their strengths. Thank you for joining us today. Patti. 

 

01:47 

Thank you, Sara, thank you so much for that introduction. And good afternoon, everyone. Thank you so much for being here. Because I know that there’s other things you could be doing, and you chose to be here with me and I do not take that lightly. So my hope today is to add value to you. And I want you to know that you’re adding value to me just by being here. So today we’re going to talk about how everyone communicates but few connect. And it’s all about the connection. One study that was done back in May of 2021, was done by a group of professional counselors. And they said that out of the six most common issues in marriage that number one was just not communicating. So we know that that’s true in marriage, but it’s also true in business. And so today, for the first half, we’re going to talk about some principles. And then the second half, we’ll talk about some practices. The reality of it is is that every single day eyes glaze over in classrooms, in churches, in meeting rooms, and even in living rooms because of the inability to connect well. So connecting influences increases your influence in every single situation. And Ralph J. Nichols said that the number one criteria for advancement and promotion for professionals is an ability to communicate effectively. So what this does is it gives us an advantage over others in work and in our relationships. So here’s some little known facts about communication. I’m going to go over each one of them in a little bit of detail. The first one is that connecting can make or break you. So what do I mean by that? Well, your sense of community improves when you connect with people. And your ability to work in a team definitely improves. And actually your productivity can go through the roof when you are connecting with people. And then connecting is crucial for leaders on the John Maxwell team, we believe that everything rises and falls on leadership. Connecting is also about others, meaning that we don’t want to have an agenda, we want to always make it about the other person. And then connecting goes beyond words. There’s an old saying that says your actions should speak so loudly that they can’t hear your words. And we believe that that is true. And then the last one is that connecting increases your influence in every situation. So by that I mean with your kids, with your co workers, with your boss with your friendships. And today we’re going to talk primarily about work situations. But honestly, a lot of these things you can also put into play in your personal relationships as well. So how do we know if we’re connecting? We’re going to talk about some connecting signals now. The first one is when you see evidence of these things in a meeting, whether it’s one on one or in a group, then you know that you’re connecting. The first one is unsolicited appreciation. They will say positive things without even being asked you. And then there’s unguarded openness. They demonstrate trust, increased communication where they express themselves more readily, and actually even more often and enjoyable experiences. They feel really good about what they’re doing. And then there’s emotional bond sadness, they display a connection on an emotional level. So we All talk, right and we all communicate every day in different ways. But we actually very few of us actually really connect. And when we do connect, we take our relationship to the next level. 

 

05:11 

So Jay hall of the consulting firm telemetrics telemetrics, studied the performance of 16,000 executives. And here’s what he found with low achievers. They were preoccupied with their own security. They showed a basic distrust for subordinates, they never sought advice, and they avoided communication and relied heavily on policy manuals. We all know how that goes when someone relies just on policy manuals, right? Actually, not too long ago, I was working with a company that actually we were doing a DISC assessment and a workshop for them. And they wanted me particularly to work with them because they had so many of these low achievers in their company. And they wanted to see how they could change that. And then there’s average achievers, while the average achiever concentrates on production, they will get the job done, and do it to the best of their ability. They’re focused more on their own status. They’re reluctant to take advice from those under them, and they only listen to superiors. But then we have the high achievers. The high achievers care about people as well as profits. They view subordinates optimistically and respectfully. They sought advice from those under them. And they’re always good listeners, which is really important as well. So with connecting being all about others, here’s a question for you. Do I connect best one on one in a small group or with an audience? This is a great question to ask ourselves and reflect on because, honestly, everyone’s different. You may do great with people one on one, but you don’t really enjoy being in small groups talking or even on a stage. And that’s totally fine. We are all different that way. But it’s always good to self reflect and say, you know, how do we how do I connect best? Where are my strengths? And you can feel free to answer that in the chat if you’d like to. But this is just more of a self reflect reflection question. So it’s not about getting others to connect with me. Now, this little cartoon may be a little bit of an exaggeration. It says he’s saying to this lady, there’s no I in team, but there’s an M and A MI, and that spells me. Well, that is a little bit of an exaggeration. However, we all have worked with people like this in our life, haven’t we, in some form or another we have, and maybe even have people like that in our family. And so I just thought that was kind of interesting, and a good, a good demonstration of what it means when someone is all about themselves and not about the other person. And then there’s the famous quote from Zig Ziglar, I don’t know if you’ve ever had the opportunity to see him back in the 70s, I had the privilege of being sitting under his teaching, and he was an amazing communicator, and just a caring individual. And he always said, If you help first help people get what they want. They’re going to help you get what you want. And I believe that that is true. So it’s based on an attitude. It’s as much of an attitude about people as it is a skill and being able to connect with people. So here’s three connecting questions that by the way, everyone is asking when you talk to them. They’re not saying it out loud, but they’re thinking it in your mind. And honestly, you’re thinking it too. You’re thinking it when someone is talking to you or when someone is presenting to you. And that is do you care for me? Can I trust you? And can you help me? Now obviously, the circumstances are all different in what capacity you ask those questions, but everyone wants to know that. And so I have a quick little story I’m going to read to you to illustrate this point that a nurse wrote when she was in nursing school, she said during my second year of nursing school, our professor gave us a quiz. I breezed through the questions until I read the last one. What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school? Surely this was a joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. But how do you know her name? I handed in my paper leaving that question blank. Before the class ended, one student asked, Is that question really going to count towards our grade? And the professor said absolutely. In your careers, you’re going to meet many people, and all of them are significant. They deserve your attention and care even if all you do is smile and say hello. And that nurse said You know, I’ve never forgotten that lesson. And I also learned that her name was Dorothy. And so the point here is that her professor was trying to teach her that she was not in the medical business, but that she was in the people business. So connecting goes beyond words. Here’s some statistics that we found what we say accounts for only about 7% of what what is believed. The way we say it accounts for about 38% But what others see accounts for 55% 

 

09:56 

and this is something that we heard from the UCLA psychology department, they did a survey and they, they talked about face to face communication. And they, they talked to multiple people and they broke it down in three steps. They said, first is the face. Second is the tone of voice. And third is the body language. So that just confirms that what others see is very important. And so here’s a little, just a little test for you, you can go over to YouTube, and you can Google any famous speech, it could be a president, it could be anybody important, anybody that had something important to say, at some time, and just turn off the sound, and watch their body language and watch their attitude. And see if you can get an idea of what it is that they’re saying or how they’re coming across, or what kind of attitude they’re portraying. It’s a, it’s a neat little x experiment for you. The goal should be that your actions speak so loudly, that we can’t hear your words, that should be the goal. And amazingly, more than 90% of the impression we often convey has nothing to do with what we actually say. Okay, so next, we’re going to talk about the three components of communication. The first one is thought. And that’s something we know, like intellectually. And the next one is emotion, something we feel. So nothing can happen through you until it happens in you, right? People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. And then there’s action, that’s something we do, obviously, connecting visually with what people see. And that experiment on YouTube would be a good one to make this point. We always want to have an open posture and move with a sense of purpose. And just so people know that we are interested in what they have to say. So it is more skill than natural talent. So it is something that can be learned. And so what are some things that make people listen, the first thing is relationship. So who you know, right? If you know somebody, that relationship is extremely important, sort of, like borrowed credibility. So for instance, back when Oprah I think it’s been probably 10 years since Oprah had her show. But when Oprah had her show, when you went on Oprah, or your book was announced on Oprah, what happened, it went viral, right, because of who you knew, because of Oprah. And so a good example of that is when she had Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil on as guests on a regular basis. Now granted, they were both already very successful doctors in their own right. But their careers skyrocketed because of their relationship with Oprah. And they went on to obviously have their own shows. And then the second one is sacrifice how you have lived. So a good example of that would be Mother Teresa, we all know that she lived a very, very sacrificial life. And another great example, our first responders, we know that they sacrifice their life everyday for us. And we just need only to think back on 911 to realize how much they really did sacrifice. And then there’s insights what you now what we say commands attention, and action, and success, what what you’ve done. Obviously, we live in a success culture. So people want to know what we’ve done. And then there’s the ability, what you can do. Who do we want to learn from? We want to learn from those who have done it, right. So if we wanted to be a professional basketball player, and somebody said, Who do you want to learn from? Obviously, who do we want to learn from? We want to learn from the best we want to learn from Michael Jordan, right? If it’s golf, we want to learn from Tiger Woods, things like that. And this is a great one to kind of grade yourself from one to 10. Again, just taking that self evaluation like where is it that that I can see myself more clearly in those five things. So connecting is the skill, as I said before, and the key concept here is the skills you learn to connect at one level can be used to start connecting at another level. What do I mean by that? So for instance, if you learn how to connect well at work with with your coworkers, let’s just say through all the trainings that you’ve been through and learned things you you’ve been able to put some of those implement some of those things right. And because of it, you clearly see a better connection with people. When that happens. You can take those same skills home and do it with your teenager. Now, will it always work with your teenager? No, of course not. We all, we all know that. But you really can do this. And I found that this has worked really well with me in particular with one of my adult children, who has some mental health issues and some things that I wasn’t able to really relate well to her for a long time. And she we adopted her when she was little. And so she came with a lot of issues. And I could not relate to a lot of what she was going through. So this really helped me connect with her on another level. So another question for you is what connecting skill is a strength in your life and how can you make it even better, again for self reflection. 

 

14:54 

So connectors connect on Common Ground. It’s difficult to find common ground with others when they The only person you’re focused on is yourself. And we all know that that’s true, right? I do a lot of work in schools. And when I work with schools, this is a particularly great challenge, because a lot of young people are focused on themselves. And primarily because they don’t know any better. Okay? So the schools are always looking for ways to help their students navigate the waters on this one. And there was a book written by Sonja Hamilton called How to talk so people will listen. And one of the things she says is that people are asking these questions, why should I listen to you? What’s in it for me if I let you in. And so it’s important to remember that when we’re trying to connect with someone, especially if it’s someone difficult, so some other barriers would be assuming just assumption, we think we know what people need. And a lot of times we’re wrong. Or just having arrogance, not needing to know what people want, or how they feel, or indifference, not caring what people think or feel. And then of course, there’s control, we don’t want to know what people want or feel because we want to be in control. But finding that common ground somehow, is very important, even if you don’t have anything directly in common. So I’m going to give you an illustration. Several years ago, I was volunteering at a women’s shelter. And this particular shelter, the ladies that were there had come out of prison, most of them. And they had struggled with some severe addiction issues, specifically drugs and alcohol. Well, I personally could not relate to that. But I wanted to connect with these women. And I didn’t want them to think that I was coming there. You know, trying to show them something and trying to be, you know, to brag about anything. So I made sure that I connected with them. And the way I did it was I started out with them by saying, Look, I know that you’ve all been through some very difficult things. Some things that I quite honestly don’t understand, because I haven’t been through them. But here’s some things I’ve been through. And here’s some places in my life where I’ve made mistakes. And honestly, that made a huge difference. You could see on their faces that they were like, okay, she’s a real person. Even though we don’t have everything in common. We’re connecting on some sort of common ground. So here’s some choices that will help you find common ground. The first one is availability. So I will choose to spend more time with others. And again, this could be in your personal life or at work, listening, I will listen my way to common ground, not having a knee first agenda all the time. And then there’s questions, I’ll be interested enough to ask questions. I learned early on, I was part of Dale Carnegie’s original training and public speaking and sales, and ultimately ended up working for Dale Carnegie for some time, years ago. And this was one of the most important principles that he taught us was that we need to be interested in others and ask questions. And I always, I always think of that when I talk about this, because that was just a valuable lesson that I learned from him from from his classes. And then there’s thoughtfulness. I will think of others and look for ways to help them. So what would that look like? So let’s just say you have a co worker, again, we’re putting this in a work context, or you can even do it at home. But if you were at work, and someone was out sick, and you know, they’re not feeling good at all, and they’re not going to be back for a while, instead of saying, Hey, how can I help you? How about saying you know what, a couple of us are going to go over this weekend, and we’re going to mow your lawn and just tell them you’re going to do it. Just being thoughtful, if those little things really do mean a lot to people. And then openness, let people into your life be vulnerable. Now I realized that there is a time and place for vulnerability that we can’t always do that, especially if we’re in a management position. There’s there has to be boundaries there. But being vulnerable is so important because it helps people to see that honestly, that you’re a real person. And then there’s the likability factor, I care about people, if people like you, honestly, they’re gonna listen to you. It’s as simple as that, right? 

 

18:57 

Okay, so to connect on common ground, you can ask, these questions are a little confusing, so I’m going to just highlight them for you. Do I feel what you feel, before I asked you feel what I feel. So by that, I’ll give you an example. So let’s just say someone is talking to you about they lost their job, or they have a sick relative at home or something that you can’t relate to at that particular time. Just understanding and trying to feel what they feel and asking them some questions directly related to that, you know, how does that feel? You know, how, how can I help you through that process, that kind of thing? And then do I see what you see. And this could be someone describing a vacation describing an experience. Again, we may not have been there, but we can try to relate to see what they see. So that we can again, engage in good conversation and ask them good questions. And then do I know what you know, before I asked, you know what I know. So again, this would be Do you know anything? Do you have anything in common in that area? Anything that you could relate to them with? But that women’s shelter was a perfect example of that one. And what about do I know what you want? Before I asked, you know what I want? So in a work example, this might look like someone that works for you, let’s just say you are their, their manager, their supervisor, their boss. So knowing what is it that that person really wants? Do they want a promotion? Do they want a raise? Do they want to work less hours do they come in just to do their job? Honestly, that alone, knowing those kinds of things about the people you work with will help you connect with them on a whole new level. So the key concept here is know the reasons that you and your listener want to communicate and build a bridge between them. So here’s another question for you. What is the bridge you need to build to connect on common ground, and again, that can be at work, or at home. So here is a three s strategy you can use to be more effective. The first one is keep it simple. So what I mean by that is we want clarity over confusion, right? Ralph Waldo Emerson said, to be simple is to be great. So we want to keep it simple. The next one is to say it slowly. Now I have to be honest, this is one of the things I have to work on. I am originally from the north. And I know a lot of you on this call probably are and you get me because we can talk fast. But I’ve lived in the South for many years. And I’ve learned that I have to slow it down a little bit. Just because no one wants to hear someone talk so fast that they can’t understand what they’re saying. And so that that’s one that I’ve had to work on, and still a work in progress. And I don’t mean to say it so slowly that you make people feel silly, but just to speak clearly and slowly. And then having a smile, not just when you’re in person. Of course that’s important, but also on the phone, having that little mirror by your phone and reminding yourself to smile because it does come across when you’re smiling and someone is nice to you on the phone. 

 

22:02 

Oops, went too far. Okay, so the next thing we’re going to talk about is the art of simplicity. So here we go. Again, talking about making it simple. So we want to talk to people, not about them, right. So I have a great illustration of this. A few years back, I had a potential client that I went to see. And he owned a car repossession business, he repossessed cars for a living. And so he had a team and he wanted me to work, do some work with his with his employees. And when I went into his office, no kidding, he had a desk that was probably 10 feet long. And I don’t know exactly how high it was. But all I know is when I sat down in the chair, my chin hit the top of the table. I know that sounds crazy. But I’m not exaggerating, even a little bit. And he was way above me. So that wasn’t by accident. He was trying to be above everybody, employees, clients, anybody that came in to see him. And in working with his team, because I did work with them for quite some time. They were all very intimidated by him. So we don’t want to be that kind of person. We don’t want we don’t want that kind of reputation. We don’t want to use big words, we want to be simple. We want to be direct, have a direct approach approach, and then get to the point. So a good illustration of getting to the point is meetings, right? work meetings, a lot of times, I know that you can relate to this, that they can be a waste of time. Now there are some meetings that are very fruitful, but sometimes they can be a waste of time. And we spent two, three, maybe even half a day in a meeting. And we’re asking that question, what was the point? So in those meetings, we can, we can improve that by saying, What do I want them to know? And what do I want them to do? Simple as that you can take those two things, right there. And that will eliminate those connectors from you know, before listening, saying what is the point? Because honestly, if they can’t understand it, they can’t apply it. As simple as that. So connectors inspire people. This is what we call the inspiration equation, what people know, plus what people see, plus what people feel equals inspiration. So what do I mean by that? What people know. And I don’t mean necessarily giving them a bunch of information. But what we enough to know that we know what we’re talking about right to make a difference with them. And what people see what do they see in us? Do we ask questions pleasantly? Do we smile? They need to see your conviction? And then what people feel and honestly this one is the most important because people will not always remember what you did or what you said. But they will always always remember how you made them feel. So what people need to know they need to know that you understand them and that you’re focused on that. So when we talk about under Standing them, understand things about them know their dreams, know a little bit about their family know enough that you can have conversations, even that aren’t related to the topic at hand, such as work just to show that you have that interest in. And obviously, this has to be sincere. I don’t recommend anybody go out and do this as a checklist. But these are just really just great ways of connecting with people, and then be focused on them. Things like writing handwritten notes, when they’ve done a good job, things like learning their, their will obviously if you work with them, you’re going to know their name, but learning people’s names learning their family members names, one of the things that we learned through Dale Carnegie was not only how to remember names, but the importance of learning people’s names. And Dale Carnegie used to say that the sweetest sound of someone’s fears is the sound of their own name. And think about it, when somebody remembers your name. Let’s just say you’ve met them one time, and you haven’t seen them in a few weeks, and you see them again, and they say, Hello, Mary, how are you? You know, a lot of times we’ll go oh, I can’t believe you remembered my name, or that you remembered my child’s name or something like that. So it really is important. And then let them know that you have high expectations of them. Because everyone wants someone to believe in them. That is just a fact, one of the things that I do with my daughter, my adult daughter that I talked about before is she has anxiety, and she has a hard time doing things sometimes because she doesn’t think she’s going to do it correctly. And so I say to her, you can do hard things, you came from a hard place, and you can do hard things. So letting people know that you believe in them. Sometimes that makes all the difference. So you want to be the person that you want to connect with. That’s really important. 

 

26:45 

So Steve Jobs said, management is about persuading people to do things they do not want to do. While leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could. I love, love, love that. And the reason I love it is because honestly, you or I could be the very first person to ever tell them something good about themselves. I am in awe to this day of the number of adults walking around who have never heard a positive thing from someone in their life that they loved. So just keep that in mind in your day to day speaking with people. So what do people need to see, they need to see your conviction, Lyndon B Johnson said Believe in the argument that you’re advancing. If you don’t, you’re as good as dead. And then people need to see your example. You need to walk the walk and talk the talk. You don’t want people to you don’t want to tell people to do one thing and you’re doing another thing. The mediocre teacher will tell people, the good teacher will explain but the great teacher always demonstrates so let who you are influenced every single thing that you do. What do people need to feel? And honestly, again, this is the most important one. They need to feel that you are confident in them and yourself, both of you. So a good example of this would be Martin Luther King, Jr. When he gave his I Have a Dream speech on the Lincoln Memorial steps. He did not say I have a plan. He said I have a dream. And he said it with conviction. And he made everybody that listened to him, get goosebumps and say you know what, I have a dream to I can do this. And then they need to feel your gratitude to them. And honestly, that’s the final component of it. But it’s it’s often the most neglected. And so silent gratitude isn’t much good to anyone was something that Gladstone said. And so my illustration for this is several years ago, I want to say it was 20 or so years ago, I had some pretty major health issues. And within a three month period, I had three surgeries in three months, which is a lot on the body, I must say. And I was in the hospital here in South Carolina where I live. And we had just moved here from Florida. And I was in the hospital and I had these three surgeries. And by the end of the third one I mean I was physically and emotionally exhausted, right. But I had the best best best care from the nurses in that hospital. It was they went above and beyond those women did things that made me feel not just better physically, but better emotionally. Because, you know, there was one nurse that would sit and talk to me when I cried, there was another one who was more like a mother to me and took such good care of me. They all had a special gift about them. And I never forgot that. So what happened was I got home and it was early December from that third surgery. And it was a few weeks before Christmas. And I thought you know, I was baking fudge for neighbors and things like that. And I thought you know what, I’m going to take some fudge up to these nurses. And so I went up to the hospital, but I also wrote a letter and I wrote it to the nursing supervisor, because I wanted her to know I wanted to brag about these nurses how great they were. And so I’m even on the elevator, honestly, up to the hospital, I got people saying, Oh, what’s that? You know, because I had a lot with me. And I said, Oh, I just made some good news for the nurses. And they were like, oh, oh, that’s nice, you know, almost like it was something weird to do. And so, I got up there, I got, I met the new nursing supervisor, she was very nice. But she was a very stern woman, very, you know, serious, she has to be with her job. And I handed her the fudge and I handed the letter and I said, I want you to know how special your nurses are. And in each, I gave a little accolades to each one, Mary was gifted this Alice did this. Betty was great at staying the extra mile when, when her shift was over, things like that. And so she she read the letter while I was standing there, which honestly, I didn’t expect her to do that, but she did. And then she said, she started to cry. And she said to me, you know, I have great nurses. And I know I have great nurses, she said, and honestly, over the years, I have had very few complaints, because they are such great nurses. But no one has ever taken the time to appreciate them like that. She said, You’ll have no idea how much this will mean to them, and to me for years to come. And so that was such a lesson for me to think, Okay, I need to do this more often. And make people feel like they’re, what they’re doing is worthwhile. We all want to know that what we’re doing makes a difference, right? 

 

31:27 

So connectors live, what they communicate by becoming highly relational. And by the way, if you don’t consider yourself relational, you can change that. Credibility is currency for leaders and communicators with it, they are saw that without it, they’re bankrupt. So what could that look like, if you don’t consider yourself relational, it can be just having a heart to serve, it can be showing your values by your words and your actions, it can be adding a helping hand wherever you can, it can be having a caring spirit, you know, the old saying, people don’t care how much you know, till they know how much you care that is so so true. And then a believing attitude in yourself. And in them that is so important. So the key concept here is the only way to keep connecting with people is to live what you communicate. And as time goes, by the way we live outweighs the words that we use honestly. And just remember, when you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep the commitment you create trust. So the big question here is, can I learn to connect with others? And the big answer is yes, you absolutely can learn how to connect with others. So you have a handout that you will look over when you’re done, but I’m just going to read the questions to you. It’s called the credibility checklist. And this is something that I would just encourage you to, to take again, it’s just a self awareness of ourselves, just being aware because you know, we can go to these seminars, and we can go to events, and we can learn, learn, learn. But if we don’t implement and we don’t realize where it is that we need to work on ourselves. It was just a waste of our time. So here are the questions. How am I connected with myself? The relationships we have with others are largely determined by the relationship we have with ourselves. Have I made right my wrongs? Do we make something right? When when we’ve done something wrong, I once had a situation was it was at a doctor’s office and I was rude to the receptionist, I was having a bad day, and it wasn’t good. And I couldn’t get an appointment, and I hung up on it. And then I felt terrible. So I called her back and I said, I’m sorry, I was wrong. And you did not deserve that. And so I felt so much better afterwards, because it was really bothering me. The third one is am I accountable? When you make a commitment, you create hope and trust, remember that? Do I lead like I live? Do I tell the truth? Am I vulnerable? Because remember, perfection? Is an ask, Am I following the golden rule? And do I deliver results for myself and for others. So the key concept is the only way to keep connecting with people is to live what you communicate. So I have a drawing for you that you if you if you choose to you can do this is to go to my email, which is Paddy, Paddy missoula.com. Just put disc in the subject line. As I said before, I am a certified disc trainer. And with the Maxwell team, we have a unique Maxwell method of disc. And that is that we have something called the power disc. And there’s a leadership component to it. It’s different than the regular disc. So I’d love to put you into a drawing for a free DISC profile and a 45 minute assessment. And I’m going to choose five people for that. So if you’re interested in having that and doing that, just put disc in the subject line and then I will send you the information. And then the last thing I wanted to say was if you’d like to connect with me, connect with me on LinkedIn, this QR code if you just put your phone up to it, it will take you directly to a my LinkedIn page, and I would love to connect with you there and learn a little bit more about you. And if you feel so led, and you feel like you got some value from today, please feel free to leave me a testimonial. I always appreciate that as well. And so now I want to make some time for questions, if anybody has any. So I’m gonna go ahead and turn it back over to Sarah. 

 

Sarah  35:23 

Well, yes, so if you have any questions, type them into the Questions box. We have time here to answer those for you today. And we had our first question come through a bit earlier, from Kelly and Kelly asks, what are some tips to talk yourself down before you have an emotional reaction to something that a coworker did or said, 

 

35:46 

okay, yeah, that’s good. I actually have a great example of this. I once had a client who said, and I thought it was funny at the time, but it really worked in that was, and you may not do exactly this, but you could do something similar. He said that whenever he had a situation at work, where it fired him up, because he was in a very stressful job, he would go in a room by himself, and he would do push ups. I know that sounds funny, but he said it just defuse the situation. So my suggestion would be, you may not want to go do push ups, or maybe you do, but would be to, to stop and walk away from the situation before you say anything. Because it’s really important that we don’t say the first thing that comes out of our mouth. Because when we do, we almost always regret it. So just taken a few minutes and tried to defuse the situation. And I realized, sometimes depending on the situation, you may not be able to do that. And if that’s the case, where you can’t leave the room, and you really do have to say something, I would just think before you you respond to that person. And it’s kind of like the golden rule, you know, always being the better person, I would say, take the high road and not buy into someone’s emotional response, and just just be the person that that responds, well, no matter what that is, sometimes it may even just be, you know, I appreciate what you have to say. And, you know, we can agree to disagree. And, you know, we’ll talk about that another time and putting it on the back burner or something like that. Hopefully that answers your question. 

 

Sarah  37:17 

Great. And we have another question here from Darren and Darren said, Do you feel like a field concepts like attachment theory, emotional safety and empathy are critical for connection? 

 

37:29 

Wow, that’s a great question. Because I do have some certification in mental health. So I do think that it is important, but not everybody. You know, not everybody knows those, that terminology or knows that, that they’re doing that. But I would say if you know, the situation that you’re you’re dealing with, and the person that you’re dealing with that it would be critical. But it really depends on the situation. And if you are dealing with someone that has either some not necessarily a mental illness, but mental health issues, and it doesn’t even have to be something like bipolar or personality disorder, it can be something as simple as someone that has other types of issues where they they’re not able to respond well. So it is important to know, especially if you if you think someone has has mental health issues, or if you even suspect it. 

 

Sarah  38:23 

Great. And this next this next question is coming from Maura and Maura said she would like to know kind of supervisor say thank you work, great job too much. 

 

38:35 

Can the supervisor say thank you, or great job too much? I guess you would say this is a matter of opinion. And I would say no, absolutely not. I think that the more we appreciate people, the more they they want to do for us. And I don’t mean that in a way that you should do it selfishly, because you should do it authentically and mean it. But I think that people are starving for not just attention, but for affirmation. And I think that just letting them know, you know, and it can be just the simple words of thanks so much. You don’t have to always elaborate sometimes it does call for you to elaborate. But other times, it can be as simple as saying, Thank you. I appreciate you Giovanni, great job, whatever it is. I personally think that we can never say that enough. And you know, just telling somebody, you’re proud of them. If I was mentoring a girl not too long ago where I told her I was proud of her and she she kind of hung her head and I I asked her what was wrong. And she said, Well, that makes me uncomfortable because no one’s ever been proud of me before. And so sometimes people will react like that because they’re not used to people appreciating them. So I just think we live in a world where people need to know that they’re appreciated. 

 

Sarah  39:44 

We have another question here from Sean and Sean said I don’t believe you use the phrase but would you say emotional intelligence is considered an aspect of making a connection when communicating? 

 

39:59 

Can you just repeat Read the question. I heard emotional intelligence. But I want to want you to repeat the question. 

 

Sarah  40:04 

Yeah. Would you say the phrase emotional intelligence is considered an aspect of making a connection when communicating? 

 

40:14 

I would say, Yeah, I would say so. 

 

Sarah  40:18 

And then to piggyback off of that, from Alex, you know, asked if you thought emotional intelligence could be taught? 

 

40:27 

Yes, I do. I think there are very few things that can’t be taught. I’m a big believer in taking areas that we want to be better at. And I mean, I do understand that your strengths are the things that you want to polish and make the best you can be because we can’t all do everything. But I definitely think that we can learn emotional intelligence, for sure. 

 

Sarah  40:52 

And then another question here from Stephanie. And Stephanie says, How do you tell a coworker that they need to communicate differently to you? 

 

41:01 

Okay, well, that is a challenge. And the reason it’s a challenge is because if you’re not, if you don’t understand like, this is one of the things we do with disk. And this is one of the things we teach in the disc workshop, is knowing when you know, everyone you work with, when you have an idea of what they’re what they are. And if you’re the opposite, let’s just say they’re a DI and you’re an SC, standing for, di is dominance and influence. I’m an ID. So I’m very, I’m a people person, I’m all about, you know, being out there talking, getting to know people, and dominance is my second, my second one. But then I have a husband who is an SC, he’s very steady, he’s very compliant. And so we’re complete opposites. But here’s the thing, when you know what somebody else is, this is where that would come in handy, is knowing what the personality is. Because if you know that you’re able to connect with that person in a whole new way. One of the things we do, one of the things we go into detail with with that assessment, I would suggest you go into the drawing if maybe you’ll you’ll win that because is it teaches you that even though people are different than you, there are specific strategies that you can use to get along with a person that’s different than you are. 

 

Sarah  42:21 

Great. And we have another question from Daryl and Daryl says, Have you asked for a leader to change their communication style with you? 

 

42:30 

How do you ask them to change their communication style with you? I think it depends on the situation. But if they’re communicating with you, in a way that is not appropriate, and I don’t know what your role is, was it? Darrell? I don’t know if this is when you say a leader, is it? Is it? Is it a coworker that you’re in the same position? Or is it your boss, I think it would depend on the situation. It’s not necessarily about getting them to change the way they are as it is to maybe change the way you respond once you understand the way they’re wired. If that makes sense. And again, it would depend if this is your boss, or if this is, you know, someone that you know you’re in an equal position with. Because you know, if it’s a friend of yours, certainly you can have a conversation. But we don’t ever want to go in with the intent that we want to change somebody else. Okay, wait, we want to understand how they’re wired so that we know how we can connect with them. And that maybe we need to do something a little bit differently. So that they understand, understand us a little bit better, because a lot of times, that’s just what it is, is because we don’t want to go in with the intent to change somebody else. But we do want to go in with the goal of having a better relationship with that person. Now, does it work 100% of the time? No, it doesn’t. But it does. It is it can be very effective if you do it properly. 

 

Sarah  44:03 

Great. And we have another question here from Kayla, and Kayla says, How long should you wait before you respond to a difficult email? 

 

44:11 

Oh, that’s a great one. When someone sends you an email, the benefit of that is that you’re not standing in front of them and you have time to think it over. Right. The disadvantage is what you say back? So I know your question had more to do with the timing of it. But again, I think it would depend on what it’s about and who it came from. But overall, I would say that it’s for you know, email etiquette type thing. You know, you don’t have to respond immediately. You could give it 24 hours. And if you feel like it’s something that you can’t really get yourself. And I know this wasn’t your question, you asked more about timing, but if you can’t really say it the way you want to say in an email, I’ve learned to reread emails and reread text messages before I send them because a lot of times we can get ourselves in trouble because we it comes across different than what we meant it to. So I always say to somebody, if somebody sends you an email or a text message, and it’s a little volatile, or it’s going to require a discussion, I would ask if maybe we could have a face to face discussion. But as far as just the pure timing of it, I would say, depending on what what it is, if they’re just calling you out on something that they want you to address, you know, take a couple of days, if it’s your boss doing it, and wants you to do something, but he’s being a bully about it, I still would take 24 hours, but it wouldn’t take forever, if that makes sense. 

 

Sarah  45:40 

And we have an interesting comment here from Laura. And Laura said, I attended a seminar several years ago. And what stuck with me was that our emotions respond 80,000 times faster than logic, we have to allow time for logic. So we don’t do anything to detract from our successful communications, sometimes bite our tongue until it is perforated. 

 

46:03 

Yes, 100%. I agree with that. 100%. Because that’s the old, you know, when you’re in front of somebody, and you just want to spew out what the first thing that comes to your mind, it’s almost never a good thing. It doesn’t work in most situations. So that’s that’s a great point. Yes, I totally agree with that. 

 

Sarah  46:23 

And then we have another question here from Dana. And Dana said, What suggestions do you have for building and strengthening a connection with someone who may become a future client? So in a sales and marketing context? Build, 

 

46:39 

what was the first part of the question, building the connection, 

 

Sarah  46:43 

for building and strengthening a connection with someone who could potentially become a future client? 

 

46:49 

Well, I think some of the things that we talked about today, getting to know them, getting to learn a little bit about them, not just what the you know, a little bit about the company, if there’s anything you can find out about that person. And again, I don’t mean this in a facetious way, like, you know, you’re trying to play them, I mean, authentically find out what it is that they that they like, what is it that you know, maybe look them up on social media, find out a little bit about their company, of course, you want to know that, especially for a client, you don’t want to go in there cold not knowing who you’re talking to. But also asking them, I mean, finding out a little bit about them as a person, because that is, that is huge. I heard a story recently, I’m gonna share with you real quick, because it’ll, it’ll illustrate this point. And this was a story about Warren Buffett about how when people wanted to interview Warren Buffett, you know, like he, he always says, when he allows somebody to interview him, they have to go through his people, obviously, he gives them 10 minutes. And that’s it. And this woman who was a journalist that wanted to interview him, she found out that he loved cherry coke. And so she went into that meeting. And she said, Thank you, Mr. Buffett, for your time, I appreciate the 10 minutes that you’re gonna give me. And she said, the candidate cherry coke down and she said, but before we start, I wanted to give you your favorite beverage. And he said to her, you have all the time you need, and she was there for an hour and a half. So that might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but but it’s a true story. And so you can never know enough about that person. And I don’t mean you should go in there and spew off Dana, everything you know about them. But just having that leg up, because I’ll tell you what, a lot of your competition are not going to take the time to do it. So I think that’s a great practice. 

 

Sarah  48:44 

Great. And we have one more question from the audience today. And that’s from Elijah. And Elijah says, what is an effective way to deal with opt out groups? So for example, to further explain, some people don’t want to be connected, how do you reconnect them to the group so that they can be a part of it? 

 

49:05 

I’m not sure exactly what you mean, when you say opt out groups in business in a work situation? What read the question again? So I make sure I understand it. 

 

Sarah  49:14 

Yeah, so the the question is, what is an effective way to deal with opt out group? And to further explain, for those people that don’t want to be connected? How do you reconnect them into into the group so that they can be a part of it? So people that really aren’t interested in being involved in that group discussion and conversation? 

 

49:36 

Oh, I hear you. Well, now if it’s in a work situation, they may not have a choice, but I guess if it is a situation where they, they they can opt out if they choose to. Again, it would be trying to find out a little bit more about that person and maybe why they want to opt out. Maybe there’s a reason. Maybe there’s something that’s happening. Maybe there’s something that makes them uncomfortable. Again, I’m talking about a work atmosphere Right now if it if it was a friend group, it’d be a little easier because you can go just go talk to your friend. But if it’s in a work situation, and somebody has the option of being in on whatever it is that the group is doing, whether it’s social or business, is finding out maybe a little bit more about that person, just get to know them a little bit, one on one, maybe, maybe that would make them feel more comfortable wanting to be part of the group after that. 

 

Sarah  50:22 

Great, and Chris just had a comment on that opt out group, Chris said and application of opt out and my team are those that are there to do their job, but have no desire to get to know anyone just paid to do a job and nothing more. 

 

50:37 

Right. And that’s one of the things we talked about earlier is that that would fall under that category of low achievers where they’re just, they’re just there to do their job, punch in, punch out and go home. And, you know, we, we don’t want to be those people there. There are going to be those people, unfortunately, that that’s how they look at life in many ways. But for the purposes of what we’re talking about today, we don’t want to be that person. And we want to try to encourage the other person, if, if we can, but sometimes, like he said, they’re, that’s what they’re there for. And they don’t have any interest in being part of anything, unfortunately. 

 

Sarah  51:14 

And with that, that does we have answered every question that we received today. Thank you so much, Patti, for an informative webinar today. 

 

51:22 

Thank you, sir. 

 

Sarah  51:24 

And if we could just pop over to this next slide here as we wrap up our conversation today. Thank you all for attending today’s webinar. You can get your H or DQ certificate of completion by scanning that QR code there it is $5 then you will be sent your certificate of completion for attending today’s webinar. This was a really great hour filled with a lot of informative and informative information and we thank you all for attending today’s webinar.