The Dynamics of Rapport

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Have you ever experienced an instant connection with someone, even though you’ve only known them for a short time, or realized that you don’t have much in common with them? It’s like a feeling that you’ll get along well despite any apparent reasons why you shouldn’t.

On the flip side, has a friend ever introduced you to someone, certain that you two would hit it off, only for you to feel incredibly put off by them? Or have you met someone, expecting an immediate liking, yet found yourself indifferent or disliking them right from the start? It’s interesting how our initial expectations of liking or disliking someone can sometimes be completely off the mark.

Rapport is the state shared by two or more individuals whose behavior, thinking and values come into alignment regardless of the “content” of their desired objectives and outcomes.

Recommended training from HRDQ-U

The Dynamics of Rapport: Using Neurolinguistics to Improve Communication

How We Build Rapport

There is a distinct process for developing rapport. First, you need to discover if you are a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic (hands-on) learner. You may need to step out of your comfort zone. Next, you will need to look at Style, Fit, and Flexibility.

When we communicate with others, we often must find the best way we relate to them. That is called Formatting. We format in 3 ways:

Visual: charts, photos, memos, email, anything graphic
Auditory: stories, testimonials, music, discussions, phone, anything verbal
Kinesthetic: gesturing, models, demonstrations, anything they can touch

Another way to communicate well is called Chunking. Chunking is scaling the level of detail in the information you provide (chunk). We do this by either serial or parallel – or size that best fits others.

Serial: making a list, going step by step, one by one, diagramming each phase
Parallel: giving the big picture, the bottom line, getting to the main point or summary

Rapport over time = trust. When you practice building rapport with others, you understand what co-workers, clients, and all stakeholders want, sometimes better than they do. You also practice “conscious competence” so you know what went wrong and what went right, and proactively do something about it. And, you create an ease and flexibility about your communication that telegraphs a positive, practical approach to solving problems.

To learn more about how to use neurolinguistcs to improve communication, check out James Eicher’s webinar, The Dynamics of Rapport: Using Neurolinguistics to Improve Communication. This webinar is based on the popular and effective training tool, The Neurolinguistic Communication Profile.