1. Connection: Humanize the Situation

Conflict gets messy when people forget they’re dealing with other humans. It’s easy to focus on frustrations: “She’s impossible,” or “He doesn’t care about my work.” Connection flips the script. It reminds the team of their shared goals and encourages them to approach the issue as allies.

When people feel valued and respected, they’re more likely to engage in meaningful dialogue.

• What to Do: Start by helping the team members see the human side of the situation. Encourage them to show up prepared to listen.
• GOAT Phrase: “I care about this team and the work we’re doing, and I’m confident we can find a solution that works for everyone.”

The stronger the connection between team members, the easier it becomes to work through constructive conflict, and even unproductive conflict. When they remember they’re on the same side, productive conversations follow.

2. Clarity: Align Expectations

Most workplace conflict comes from an expectation violation. Misunderstandings about roles, responsibilities, or deadlines create unnecessary tension. Helping teams clarify their expectations can quickly defuse many disagreements.

• What to Do: Facilitate a conversation where team members articulate what they need from each other and what success looks like.
• GOAT Phrase: “What would a successful outcome DO for you?”
• GOAT Phrase: “Let’s start with what we agree on.”

By asking “What would a successful outcome do for you?” you help team members articulate their deeper, often unspoken expectations. By starting with what they already agree on, you help them build on that common ground.

Clarity gives teams a shared direction. It turns finger-pointing into forward progress and ensures everyone knows what’s expected moving forward.

3. Curiosity: Seek Understanding Before Solutions

When people feel unheard, they get louder.  Curiosity can turn things around by encouraging open-mindedness and understanding. Instead of assuming bad intent, team members ask questions and seek clarity.

• What to Do: Teach teams to pause and ask thoughtful questions. This can help uncover the real root of the issue and open the door to collaborative problem-solving.
• GOAT Phrase: “I’m curious, how does this situation look from your perspective?”
• GOAT Phrase: “What can I do to support you right now?”

These phrases demonstrate a willingness to listen, which often de-escalates tensions.

Curiosity helps replace defensiveness with collaboration. When team members take the time to understand each other’s perspectives, they often find solutions they hadn’t considered.

4. Commitment: Make It Actionable

Even the best conversations won’t lead to change without clear follow-through. If you’ve ever seen a team in one of those Groundhog Day conflicts that keep surfacing again and again, the problem is likely rooted in this dimension. Commitment ensures that constructive conflict resolution moves from talk to action.

• What to Do: End every conflict conversation by outlining specific next steps. Make sure everyone knows what they’re committing to and when they’ll follow through.
• GOAT Phrase: “What’s one action we can both agree to as a next step?”
• GOAT Phrase: “Let’s schedule some time to check in and see how our solution is working.”

Commitment ensures conflicts don’t linger. Instead, they lead to real change and stronger working relationships.

Let’s take a look at a specific scenario you’ve likely faced in your HR role:  The boss is being accused of micro-managing.

Scenario: The Boss Is Accused of Micromanaging

You’ve been called in to help. The manager is frustrated because the team keeps missing deadlines, so they’ve started checking in on every detail and breaking work into smaller pieces. Meanwhile, the team feels stifled, untrusted, and on edge. The tension is growing on both sides, and now you’re in the middle of it.

This isn’t about picking sides – it’s about helping the manager and the team find a way forward. Use Connection, Clarity, Curiosity, and Commitment to get them talking and working toward a better balance.

Step 1: Connection

Start by helping everyone remember the goal: this isn’t about control or rebellion – it’s about wanting the team to succeed. You need to create space for an open and honest conversation.

• What to Do: Set a tone of mutual respect and shared purpose. Help both sides see that they’re working toward the same outcome, even if they’re coming at it differently.
• Say This: “I know you all care about getting great results. Let’s focus on how we can achieve that together.”
• Why It Works: When you acknowledge the shared goal, you lower defenses. Everyone shifts their focus from blaming each other to working together.

Step 2: Clarity

Now it’s time to uncover what’s really going on. Why does the manager feel the need to micromanage? What specifically is making the team feel frustrated? Misaligned expectations are probably at the root of the problem.

• What to Do: Facilitate a conversation where both sides can articulate their concerns and needs.
• Say This: “What would a successful outcome do for you?”
• Say This to the Team: “What do you need from your manager to feel trusted?”
• Say This to the Manager: “What’s leading you to step in so much? What’s missing that would help you feel confident in the team’s progress?”
• Why It Works: Clarity brings out the underlying issues that are driving the conflict. Maybe the manager is feeling pressure from above, or the team doesn’t understand the level of detail the manager needs to feel secure.

Step 3: Curiosity

Here’s where you help everyone see the situation through the others’ eyes. When people feel heard, they stop being defensive and start collaborating.

• What to Do: Model curiosity and encourage them to ask each other thoughtful questions.
• Say This: “I’m curious, how do you think these frequent check-ins are helping or hurting the team’s progress?”
• Say This to the Team: “What changes would help you feel more empowered in your work?”
• Say This to the Manager: “What’s one thing the team could do to give you more confidence that they’re on track?”
• Why It Works: Asking questions helps the manager and the team move past assumptions. The manager might not realize how their approach is being perceived, and the team might not see the pressure the manager is under.

Step 4: Commitment

You’ve had the conversation. Now it’s time to make it actionable. The team and manager need to leave with clear next steps that balance oversight with autonomy.

• What to Do: Wrap up by agreeing on specific actions to address the conflict and build trust.
• Say This: “What’s one thing we can all commit to right now to improve the way we’re working together?”
• Say This: “Let’s agree on a system for updates that works for both sides. How often should you check in, and what should those updates include?”
• Why It Works: Commitments create accountability and prevent the conflict from flaring up again. The team gets more autonomy, and the manager gets the updates they need to feel confident.

The World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey revealed that workplace conflict is increasing, but improved communication makes a significant difference. As an HR professional, you have the tools to help teams improve how they communicate, collaborate, and resolve disagreements.

When you guide teams using the four dimensions of Connection, Clarity, Curiosity, and Commitment, you’re not just solving immediate problems; you’re equipping people with the skills to navigate future challenges, fostering a healthier and more productive work environment.

To learn more about transforming conflict into opportunities for greater collaboration, sign up to attend Say the Right Words to Defuse Tension and Foster Collaboration. We’ll give you the tools to handle even the most sensitive conversations with confidence.